When she’d moved in with Ira Rothenberg, Annette Hebert had realized that she would be living more of a ‘public life’ with him. He’d always known Camille, even though he’d learned the truth about her as their friendship had developed. The only thing he didn’t know was exactly how she dressed when she was not hanging in a sex club looking for sex.
Ira knew the thin or even lace blouses that revealed the vast majority of her generous chest. He knew the micro mini skirts that gave men a good view and easy access to her crotch. Not once had he see her in ‘normal’ dress. The calf length skirts and long sleeved blouses buttoned up to her neck. She dressed conservatively, even by business standards. And it was actually her preferred method of dress. While her club attire left nothing to the imagination, her normal dress left everything to it.
The few times she fantasized about a normal life, the man she was with would prefer her in modest dress, but appreciate all she could do for him once they were naked. And, of course, he would please her to the point that she would never need to touch herself again. However, she believed that sort of a man did not exist. A man who would claim her for himself and insist that she be faithful to him … while at the same time being faithful to her. Her father was not faithful to her mother. The Red Velvet Club attracted swingers … men and women who shared their spouses. Ira would know this and obviously had no objection to the practice.
But it had been months worth of isolation and, if he even noticed the change in her attire, he hadn’t mentioned it. Men. So she settled into their quarantine with ease, dressing every day as if she were going to work and then working on the jobs she could get. They would sometimes go for walks with cabin fever threatened them, which she enjoyed. He was good company.
Now they sat in their living room after dinner. After a discussion, they had decided to watch 12 Monkeys from her laptop. There was no way the world could devolve the way Hollywood predicted. She told herself that every day, even though she was still scared of the numbers. Ira calmed her … if she were alone she would have worked herself into a panic by now.
Ira Rothernberg was living a bittersweet life with his “roommate” Annette. They had ended up in lockdown together as he offered her the spare room he had after his last roommate fucked off with no warning. He knew Annette well but from his work life where he worked as a bouncer at The Red velvet Club. Home Ira was a gentler soul, rather quiet a lot of the time. And madly in love with Annette. He knew her promiscuities, and his own but he couldn’t abide by them having a hook up that was just that. It would crush him. And her home self was delightful to him. Her more conservative clothing left way more to the imagination and it completely did it for him. Just the hint of her hip as she moved with a skirt, the curve of her breasts under that buttoned up blouse. The obvious was crass to him. Give him a challenge, fabric to bunch up, something to slide under and look for all the sweet spots. He had never taken so many showers in his life. His punching bag was also in daily use in the corner of his room. But his release techniques worked and he found their connection growing. She was more than just what he fantasized about under those skirts, she was real and smart and kind despite the world’s and her mother’s unkindness to her. Ira was a jeans guy at home, old jeans and plain tshirts, usually black or grey. His feet were bare and he was ready to settle into a movie with Annette, one of his old favourites. It wasn’t ideal as a pandemic film and he realized that as he had to talk Annette down a bit. But she calmed and he was ready.
Amelie was enjoying some chill out time on the back deck with her laptop after supper. She had cooked and Felix was doing the dishes. They had a good balance now flipping back and forth with that and they had never been closer, in all ways. She was happy. She casually checked her email and saw one from MC followed by one from her daughter Annette. Amelie had been trying to connect with Annette. She ignores the one from MC and opens Annette’s with a smile. It was her contact info for her cell and her Zoom. Amelie decides to spontaneously try her on a Zoom call. That was more a young person connector than email or facebook. She sets the laptop on the table and checks she’s decent for screen viewing. She’s been bumming around today so she’s in one of the kid’s old light blue camp shirts and a pair of white shorts. Her hair was in it’s usual messy bun but this is how Annette would know her anyway. She starts the meeting and then sends Annette a link to join.
Annette brought out the largest mixing bowl they had in the apartment and filled it with popcorn while Ira hooked the HDMI cord to the television and set her laptop on the coffee table. She moved to the couch and set the bog bowl smack in the middle between them. That was of course, polite, but it also gave them distance. A movie like this might just have her jumping into his lap and if she did that, she wasn’t convinced that she could leave it. If she couldn’t leave his lap she would ruin their friendship and that was the most precious thing in the world. She smiled at him and admired his body for about 2 seconds before she sat beside him and leaned over to pull up Netflix. Suddenly an email notification popped up. “Oh my god … Tante Amelie…” she exclaimed. “Ira … hold on just a minute please?” she almost begs and accepts the invitation. She is off work, so the very top button on her blouse is undone. But not a bit of cleavage is showing as she accepts the call. “Tanta Amelie! Bonjour!” she had sent the email asking after the family and asking if Amelie could give Tanta Lisette her condolences, as she did not have her number and her mother … was her mother.
Ira looked eagerly at the popcorn and shrugged casually at the need to take a zoom call first. “Alright…..but I might snack..” He chuckled. He realized he was half on her camera view as Annette started talking to Tante Amelie. He had a little French left in his head from high school and knew Tante meant Aunt. But Annette seemed cheerful about this family member so he gave an awkward little wave to be polite.
Amelie sees Annette come onto the screen and she’s sitting beside a man? Does she have a boyfriend? Did MC know about this? He looks older. She looks curiously at him and returns his little wave and then smiles warmly at her niece “Bonjour Annette, how are you? I hope I’m not...interrupting your evening? I did pass on your words to Lisette,,,,but she moved here to Alexandra so when you can, you’ll have to come see us both!”
Annette did not think of Ira being in the view of the camera but it was too late. Ira waved and that sort of sealed it. “No .. no .. this is Ira. My roommate. He got laid off. I got laid off. Rooming together is just a way to save money and not be all alone while we quarantine.” she sighs. “He’s Jewish, yes.” she realizes that might require some explanation. “Maman calls him ‘that Jewish boy’, so, please … don’t. He’s my friend and you know how Maman can be.” she bites her lip anxiously. “She told me about the funeral … and then JP told me more. I’m so sorry. Maman … you know how she is.” she bites her lip once again.
Ira couldn’t help but chuckle about being referred to as that Jewish boy “Nice to meet you Amelie. Latkes and dreidels for everyone?” He left it at one joke as this was Annette’s deal with her family and he had heard a little about this other aunt’s husband’s funeral and the fallout.
Amelie accepted that this man was her roommate. Why not? Men and women could be friends, roommates, whatever. She smiles a little at the Jewish boy comment and then laughed at Ira’s little joke. She sighs “I’m sorry Ira. My sister is a closed minded woman. You’re very funny.” She looks at Annette “I don’t want to speak ill of your mother. I know you’re close. We had words, she and I, and then her and Lisette. I’m sure she’s told you her side but I’m glad you spoke to JP as well. I confess I just got fed up with the skirt police and it wasn’t the time. She was unkind to Lisette in suggesting, though vaguely, that Brendan had sinned in his actions to end his life. And there’s a huge irony in MC not understanding mental or emotional illness. I’m sorry I said I wouldn’t….” She breaks off realizing she’s incapable of holding back and making nice nowadays when she doesn’t feel it.
Annette listens to her aunt. She’s never heard anyone in her family speak of her mother the way they had been now that she was an adult. She begins nodding but also squirming. Her mother had been horrible and now it was confirmed. Plus Amelie was suggesting her mother was also mentally ill … which Annette had suspected as soon s she was old enough to know what mental illness even was. Amelie cans see it, but Annette begins to rub her thighs together. “Oui … Maman …” she bites her lip. “She .. can be … difficult.” and suddenly she leaned forward. “Excuse me a moment please, Tante …” she nearly pleads as she stands and moves around the couch. Amelie may notice her leave the room and in a moment her a door close firmly. Not a slam. Just a firm close. Ira has seen this … most lately when Annette told him what her uncle had told her in an email and once or twice when she was particularly anxious about Covid-19 and the state of the world. And Ira would know what she’s gone off to do to compulsively relieve her stress. But this time she’s left him with her aunt.
Amelie notices Annette’s discomfort and then looks awkward when she excuses herself. After the door closes she looks at Ira “I seem to be the worst aut in the world today. Shit….” She runs her hands through her hair and then leans on her elbows on the table. “Terrible first impression Ira. I’m so sorry.”
Ira’s eyes follow Annette as she exits to her room with a knowing look. Then he blows out a breath at Amelie “No….you’re not. You’re honest and it’s confronting. But it’s also a good thing, even if it’s not the easy thing. She just needs a few minutes. And I think it’s good you called.”
Amelie laughs awkwardly “I don’t know. I’m still figuring all this out myself. I want to be here for Annette. I know my sister is …...well you heard.”
“She needs other family.” Ira says matter of factly. “Annette’s a good person.”
Amelie smiles a bit “i don’t doubt it. I’m glad she has a good roommate looking out for her. What do you do Ira? When you’re not making latkes?” She jokes.
Ira smirks “Hey I make wicked latkes. But no, I was a bouncer in a nightclub. But they don’t need all the big badasses with the big badass virus now.”
Amelie has to laugh “Yes, I’m sorry you got laid off. Annette too…..strange times.”
Annette goes into her bedroom and goes to her bed, taking from her bedside table one of her chopsticks. Leaning back she hikes her skirt up, spreads her legs slightly and masturbates to a silent, grim and cheerless orgasm. When she cums, she also cries a little bit … which is not unusual for her. But she is relieved of much of the stress. She goes into her bedside table for a disinfectant wipe, cleans the chopstick, puts it away and throws out the wipe. Then she takes a deep and calming breath and returns to the living room. “I’m sorry Tante…” she sits back down and looks cheerful enough. She blows out a breath. “Maman … has had problems for years. I … don’t even wish that I could defend her anymore.” which is true. She only got angrier with her mother for calling Ira ‘that Jewish boy’ because she knew it was not a compliment. “I know I should … especially as the oldest daughter but … God help me, I can’t.”
Amelie looks compassionate “Annette, I know it’s harder for you than me. I’ve been away from living with her for more years than I grew up with her. We had a very small view of the world from where we came from and our parents didn’t help. It seems that it hit MC differently….but I struggled with it too. It’s hard not to fall into the patterns of our parents, even when we know they’re wrong for us. You might not believe this but I’ve only broken free of quite a bit of it recently. It’s a long story…..but counselling helped me. I’m here for you Annette but if you feel you need more help than me, there’s no shame in it. I don’t think your mother would agree to go for herself. So i can only be there for you.”
Ira has to resist the urge to put his arm around Annette when she comes back and shares so candidly. He knew where she’d gone and he suspected none of it made her happy but he only knew parts really. As a stress relief he knew it wasn’t healthy. He’d love nothing else but to show Annette so much love it could spill into her really loving herself. But he was terrified of it becoming a one night stand or ruining the friendship. As her Aunt talked he nodded along. Yes face the stuff….and holy fucking yes counselling. He watched Annette to see how open she was to the idea.
Annette listened to her aunt and dropped her head in defeat. “Counselling ….” she whispers. “I … did … once ….” she admits. She glances at Ira, who knew about her diagnosis. “I … was scared to go back. And now... with Covid.” she blinks and a tear drops on her long modest skirt. “There’s no joy anymore, Tante. None.” she doesn’t elaborate. “I’m so tired of it.” she sniffs. “A counsellor… might help….” she sounds as if she doubts it. She isnt suicidal … but its not a happy life.
Amelie looks deeply concerned for Annette and her tone is gentle “Annette...cherie…..I’m so sorry. You can see them virtually right now. My therapist does both in person and online. I even kept my appointments when I was travelling and in Winnipeg. I want you to find some joy Annette….I know it can feel hopeless with all the terrible news.”
Now Ira grits his teeth and lightly puts a hand on Annette’s back if he’s allowed. “I think you should give it a try.” He encourages.
Annette hears her aunt and feels Ira’s hand on her back. She doesn’t move, for fear it will be taken away. “Does she have a name? Is it possible I could see her too? It is a her?” she asks all the questions eagerly as if she could start seeing this therapist in no more than half an hour. “I’ve been .. sort of … self-healing.. I mean it feels like some progress .. not as much OCD as … before … so I think that’s good.”
Amelie nods at Ira and then at Annette “Bear with me, I will send you her information right now. Dr. Mary Henry, psychiatrist. No relation that I’m aware of the BC’s famous Dr. Bonnie Henry.” She keeps Annette in a smaller window but pops into email and sends off Mary Henry’s email and phone number immediately. “Sent.” She clicks Annette and Ira back to full size. She listens about the self healing, assuming she maybe means self help books or online articles as she had tried over the years to no avail. “It is better to talk to someone who can offer you guidance.” She hears Annette say the word OCD and swallows. God poor Annette. MC had really screwed up her kid, maybe even all of them. “You’re open to talk about it and getting help. That’s a huge step Annette. I’m here for you. I support you.”
Ira gently rubs Annete’s back. Now that he’s crossed the barrier of offering the hand on her it doesn’t seem so inappropriate and she hadn’t smacked it away. This call from her aunt was the best thing that could have happened for Annette today. He was immensely relieved and amazed this woman was Annette’s mother’s sister. It gave him hope that between Amelie and JP, and possibly even this other Aunt Lisette, Annette did have a few good people in her family to encourage her. “I’m here for you too.” He added.
Annette nods and, when she gets the email she immediately opens a new email and types into it, betraying how eager she is to begin. Her jobs are all about typing and talking, so she continues, comforters by Ira’s touch to the point she was near tears. She clears her throat. “I haven’t done the worst of it in …. Since before I moved in here.” she realizes she’s ever gone so long without sex since she left high school. Literal months. “Minor incidents, when I’m really stressed. I’m just afraid of starting again. I want to stop and be … normal…” she sends the email, having given more detail in it to Dr Henry, but basically saying what she said aloud. “I appreciate the support. Both of you.” she looks at Ira and lets herself fantasize, if only for a second. But … he knew her past. Could he want her knowing what she was? She sighs and blows out a breath. “There … it’s sent.” she leans back into Iras hand a bit. Was this a friends caress or a lovers? Did it matter?
Amelie exhales and looks concerned “I’m not sure how much you want to tell me Annette. I don't know what the worst of it is? Are you self harming? Struggling with suicidal thoughts? It’s up to you how much you want to share….” She’s thinking of Brendon and what Lisette just went through and what Felix had admitted to her. If her niece was in this state she wanted to intervene if she could. “Dr Henry is very on top of her email so you should hear back soon.”
Ira does know what Annette’s talking about to a degree but isn’t sure how much she’s going to tell her aunt, or him if there’s more details she hasn’t shared. He keeps his hand on her back but as she leans into it he slides it up so it's around her shoulders more, thinking it might be a little more comfortable for her. He keeps quiet and is just present to her, watching and listening.
Annette considers her answer. “It’s … it’s self-harm, Tante.” she admits, but quickie adds. “But I’m not suicidal. Not since I realized I want …” she pauses and feels Ira’shand moving on her back. “Something normal. Beautiful. Like you and your husband have”
Amelie isn’t getting details from Annette but she doesn’t press her either. Whatever it was, it was heavy and she had carried it awhile. She could relate. Maybe it was MC. She hoped to God Annette wasn’t carrying something like what she had faced as she was hinting at wanting something normal to do with relationships. She nods and looks kindly “I’m not sure there is a normal. Felix and I have had to work pretty hard to find the beautiful but the work is worth it in the end. Sometimes your connection with yourself, often times, is what can make or break a connection with someone you choose to love.” Amelie unconsciously lets her eyes dart to Ira. He was a very kind friend but he was here for this big conversation and it was curious to her. Maybe he was just that good a friend.
Ira hears Annette say she wants something normal, something beautiful, something committed and at those words his hand squeezes her shoulder before he can even think it through. That’s all he wants and he’s never been able to get there. He’s also never been so madly in love with anyone as he is with Annette.
Annette sighs a little. “I don’t mind hard work.” she listens to connections and looks genuinely curious. “Do you choose love?” she asks, almost like a child. “I didn’t .. know that.” she hadn’t chosen to feel the way she felt and deflates a little bit. No one would choose her. Not after they got to know her and her … drive … or would that go away once she controlled her compulsion? “I mean … Papa and Maman. I don’t know.” she feels the squeeze on her shoulder and looks at Ira and then away as if afraid he would run if he knew her thoughts.
Amelie looks hopeful, both for herself and her niece “I think it can be easy to fall in love, but then yes you choose it, you choose to nurture it and keep it going, to be there for each other. In a way it’s like building on a best friendship. I mean Felix and I both have friends,maybe even best friends but he is also my best friend in a way that we need to have as a foundation. I don’t know if I’m making sense. I feel like sometimes I’m still learning it all too.” she laughs “Because we have to keep learning.” She sighs “I think MC feels like she knows it all. She has closed herself to the learning. She feels or seems infallible. One huge thing I have learned from my kids is that it’s important for them to know and for me to admit when I have made a mistake with them, and to own it. It’s hard. And I’m not sure MC can do it. I wish I could help her.”
Ira eases off after the squeeze but leaves his arm around Annette. He looks at her when she asks about choosing love. His parents had a loving marriage but they never explained the inner workings of how they made it work. Then Annette says she doesn’t mind hard work on the tpic of love and his heart does a little flip. Hearing this woman talk about her process and struggle was actually refreshing to him. Building on best friends….well he and Annette were halfway there. He nods along. Then it turns back to Annette's mother, which is a major trigger topic for her he knows. He responds to Amelie with a bit of a joke that contains a truth “I like your thinking Amelie. Maybe we can both just join YOUR family?” He says with a cheeky grin.
Amelie laughs “Oh yes of course. Dinner is at 6 in this house. Dental hygiene, and all hygiene really is very important and you'll have to like dogs because Cath has a puppy now.”
Annette was tensing up, even though it was she who brought up her parents. Ira makes a joke and she relaxes but that gets countered by the simple word hygiene. “Oh God … hygiene. My parents …” she moves her hand to Ira’s and presses it into her shoulder again. He knew her to be a very clean woman. She looks at him and laughs slightly. “Start packing, Ira.” and then she smiles at the puppy. “Oh thats sweet .. and probably cleaner than Maman and Papa.” she narrows her eyes and under Ira’s hand she is slaking slightly, but she hasn’t stood up and run off. She wants to … and she is fighting it. Have to start someplace.
Amelie cringes “Oh I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it that way Annette.” She realizes she’s called out her family. So she switches to the puppy topic “His name is Taffy and he’s adorable. Part beagle and part shepherd. I won’t tell the story of how he came to us because Sasha does it much better. You two will just have to come visit so he can relish the tale...or tail..” She laughs at her own pun.
Ira takes the hint of her hand pressing his into her shoulder and squeezes her shoulder again if that’s what she’s hinting at. He didn’t know the hygiene concerns with Annette’s parents. She was always clean and he was fastidious himself. He feels her shaking and without thinking too hard about it moves his free hand to her hand and if he can take it, squeezes that too. But then it dawns on him as the aunt notices hsi move and grins that they suddenly don’t look very roommate like. He sighs and shrugs “Sounds like fun Amelie.” He chuckles at the pun.
Annette shakes her head. “No Tante. No, you said it perfectly.” she looks at Ira. “Never eat from my parents table.” he takes her hand and she squeezes it. He’s keeping her in her seat. “I can’t tell you how many cases of food poisoning I had through my childhood. I thought it was normal until I was around ten or eleven.” Then she hears the words beagle and shepherd used to describe the same puppy. “I … is that.. How? Oh never mind I’m sure they’re adorable. I need to not use my imagination.” she squeezes Ira’s hand again, loving how it feels and loving how he relaxes her and not caring how it looks.
Ira winces a bit about Annette’s parents and food poisoning “I’ll just play the Kosher card, which is true but also helpful in situations like that. I don’t expect your mother is planning to invite that Jewish boy over for Christmas though and Covid might also work in our favour.” He snickers and then realizes how he’s speaking makes it really sound like they’re a couple and not roommates. “Yeah hopefully the shepherd was the male…” He jokes with Annette, still holding onto both her shoulder and her hand.
Amelie shudders about MC and Julien “I’m so sorry Annette. Food should be a happy thing in a family.” She observes how snuggly Annette and Ira look and how he’s talking and smiles “I should let you two have your evening. I’m hoping Cath has picked out our movie by now. It’s an indecisive day…” She laughs “Annette, keep in touch. Nice to meet you Ira.”
Annette feels more relaxed with the joking and the hand helping her to feel more centered. “If I thought that would work, I’d convert in a heartbeat.” she says, dryly. Iras words to make it sound like they were a couple, but her aunt never had to know it was nothing like that nor why it wasn’t. She smiles and lets herself bask in the fantastical assumption. “Please give your family my love and I will. I promise. We’ll come to visit as soon as possible.” she is ready to go … they had been planning a movie of their own.
Ameie says goodbye and signs off just in time for Cath’s little voice to call her in.
Ira is still rather snuggled to Annette and holds up their held hands “You haven’t told me to fuck off….so I’m guessing this is ok?” He smiles a bit shyly at her which is uncharacteristic for him “I like your aunt. She’s good people.”
Annette looks at their hands and nods. “It’s OK …” she nearly whispers. “And my aunt is a good person. But … you know.” she doesn't mention her mother. She readjusts her fingers so they are interlocked with his and she looks at them curiously. Without looking at him, she murmurs. “You centered me…” and then she looks up into his eyes.
Ira meets her gaze, giving her knuckles a little rub with his thumb on the outside “I did?” He smiles “OK. So maybe instead of running off, we could try this sometimes?” He looks hopeful but he’s trying in a way not to be too hopeful. He takes a big breath and exhales.
Annette bites her lip and nods. “Please. You help me. I need you. It …” she blinks. “I don’t mean to presume, Ira. I would never. You’re being a good friend .. you don’t have to do all of this…” she blinks and drops her gaze from his eyes .. to their hands.
Ira feels her words go right to his heart “I want to. I’m here for you, anytime.” Then without thinking too much about it he lifts their hands to his face and presses hers into his cheek briefly before kissing it “Let’s watch our movie?” He’s afraid what he might say if they keep talking right now.
Annette nods and almost speaks when he pressed her hand to his cheek and then kisses her hand. She nods. “Yea …. Let’s … “ now she needs the end of the world to distract her from this man.
No comments:
Post a Comment