It was a rainy day in the Prairie Grove Cemetery. A small gathering of mourners flocked between their cars and the funeral centre with umbrellas, rain jackets and of course in the era of Covid, about half of them wearing various face masks. The chapel had been rearranged for social distancing with the usual benches lining the walls and plastic chairs set up in groups of 2 2 meters apart from each other. There were hand sanitizing stations in several places and there would be no reception of food and drink afterwards. Welcome to phase 3.
Monica Vale had been a funeral director at the Prairie Grove Funeral Centre for 45 years. She was well beyond retirement when Covid struck and they needed more seasoned people who could adapt to some of the virtual funeral requests. She had always been adept at technology so now she was right back in the job. She was in her early 70s and had short tidy white hair and bright purple framed glasses. She wore a peacock blue blazer and a ruffled white blouse with an aline black skirt and black pumps. She had on a funky black and white ceramic beaded necklace and matching earrings and her hands were adorned with many Celtic looking silver rings. Her hands were quite featured as she held onto the pulpit and read over her notes for the celebration of the life of Brendan McCarthy.
Monica had mapped out the seating well ahead of the service. The wife of the deceased, Lisette Paget was given the front and centre chair grouping with one sister, Amelie, sitting beside her. To one side of them were her brother Gaetan and his wife Nicole. In the chair grouping behind this couple was another brother, Jean-Paul (JP), and an older sister named Marie-Claude(MC). Monica had already had an oddly rude encounter with MC, complaining about her facilities and the lack of faith in the service plan. On the other side sat a solitary man in his mid-30s named Alec Boyko, who she had learned was Brendan’s AA sponsor. Behind Alec and also sitting alone was the father of the deceased, Thomas McCarthy. Monica had been informed that Thomas preferred not to sit up front. To each their own. Suicide services were varied in this way and Monica accepted and offered all options. The mother had chosen not to attend. Behind the wife and sister but two rows back was a woman named Jackie Coswin, who had introduced herself to Monica as Brendan’s supervisor at Safe and Sound Life Insurance. The irony of Brendan’s occupation didn’t escape Monica as she politely exchanged greetings. Monica would also be broadcasting the service for those who preferred to attend virtually via the Prairie Grove website.
Amelie sat with Lisette waiting for the service to begin. She was wearing her standard women’s pantsuit for funerals with the jacket and pants in black and a plain white blouse. She wore black ballet flats on her feet that were a little soaked from the rain coming in. Her hair was in a tidy roll up the back of her head. As per the Covid rules, they all arrived only 15 minutes ahead and filed into seats. She had waved to their other siblings as she saw them come in, happily to Geatan and Nicole and JP and warily to MC. MC had come on her own which could be better or worse than with Julian and or their kids. She sat with JP and he looked a bit like he was cowering. But now Amelie just focussed on Lisette and took her hand. “How are you doing?” It was a stupid question but she seemed to keep asking it.
JP sat beside his sister, feeling like he had drawn the short straw. He wore a simple black suit and tie and personally felt almost overdressed. Glancing at MC, he again wondered why he got to sit next to her. He was slim, like Amelie. Not that physical force could stop his older sister. He wasn’t convinced that Jesus Christ himself could wrestle that bear. He lifted his hand to Amelie, but just could not make himself smile. And then absently waved away a mosquito.
Lisette had been watching people arrive. Only she and Monica were now swathed completely in black and white. She glanced down at her blouse. It was a pull on boat neck with large squares in every color of the rainbow and then some. Blue, yellow, green, purple, orange, and others. All bright. All cheerful. She had explained to Amelie that Brendan had bought it for her over a year ago, just before he paid the house off in full. He’d loved the bright and cheerful colors and had made an off-color joke about her wearing it to his funeral. Her skirt, however, was a basic black mini skirt. In hindsight, she realized it was no joke. Brendan had planned this .. had been planning this. No surprise. The benefit of hindsight did nothing to lessen the pain, even if the whole thing was … again in hindsight … no shock. She looks at Amelie when she asks how she’s doing. “Better.” she replies, honestly. She glances over her shoulder. “What are they doing here? Tom … and MC? Did the Catholic Church send representatives?” she sighs deeply and blows out a breath. She had not been smoking since Amelie arrived, but now she wanted one. Her smoking was off and on, depending on her stress level. Now she just wanted this over … without incident.
Marie Claude Hebert sat staunchly beside her little brother JP. She was a top-heavy burly tank of a woman who barreled through the world. She had short greying dirty blonde hair that she had no plans to colour. If it was God’s will to go grey, then let it take its course. MC was au naturel in all ways, no makeup never shaving, a bit of an unkept unibrow and now with pronounced and ungroomed middle-aged chin hairs. She had a bulldog quality to her face that some of the family had too but hers was the most pronounced, particularly in her jowls. It made her look as if she was always frowning, which in truth she often was. She wore a long shapeless black dress and a black blazer over it that emphasized the squareness of her broad shoulders. Her shoes were practical flats and worn. She didn’t spend a lot on clothes and didn’t fuss. Around her neck was an obvious gold cross on a chain and she wore no other jewelry except a gold wedding band. She wore oval glasses with gold wireframes. She looked around the centre with disdain for how it operated and cast her beady eyes on her youngest sister when she noticed her looking back at her with a little nod. JP was a sliver of a man compared to her and she looked him over and then turned her gaze to Gaetan. JP was at least quiet and respectable but Gaetan was a loudmouthed oaf that even his pretty little wife couldn’t reign in enough for MC’s liking. And then there was Amelie, the prodigal daughter returned. She knew her just younger sister was a good Catholic. Maybe she could help lost Lisette back to the path.
Gaetan Paget was not a snazzy dresser, ever for any occasion. But today he has made an effort, mostly by his wife’s insistence. He had his usual rumpled shirt, today in white and open to his collar bone with no tie. He had managed black dress pants and decent shoes. And he had tried to wear an old black suit jacket but it was tight and made him too warm so he had immediately slung it over the back of his chair and rolled up the shirt sleeves. Gaetan was a burly hairy Frenchman. His chest hair spouted a bit and his arm hair was thicker than his brother’s or fathers. He had smiled at Amelie and Lisette when they saw him and then as he noticed JP was right behind him he had turned in his chair like a badly behaved child not paying attention in school and grinned at him about to say something. He noticed MC glare at him and felt Nicole tap him on his other arm. It was really hard for Gaetan to be quiet, ever.
Nicole Paget was a nurse at the St. Pierre hospital. She had seen it all in life. And she was married to a wild man. They were like Beauty and the Beast. But she loved her beast and never wanted to tame him. Now they were at his sister’s husband’s funeral and it was an odd grouping of people, particularly, she observed from Brendan’s life. She had tried to offer comfort to Lisette but she really didn’t know the woman well since she hadn’t been close to the family the whole time she had been married to Gaetan. So she ended up really acting in the role of her job, which seemed to work a bit. But now she was grateful for Amelie supporting her. What an unimaginable thing to face. Nicole was tiny and gorgeous. She had dark brown hair kept long and worn down except when she worked and she wore a sleeveless black dress that flattered her figure and came to the knee with black sandals. She had given both Lisette and Amelie a little wave and smiled at JP, and even MC. Nicole was the type of person to be kind to everyone, whether they deserved it or not. She was a Catholic but an open-minded one and she liked this funeral director. She was an interesting woman. And she was about to speak when her mischievous man turned around to start something with his sweet quiet brother. Nicole tapped him and pointed forward. He was like this in church too.
Now Monica greeted the gathered “We are here today to celebrate the life of Brendan McCarthy.” She went through some of his history, where he went to school, his education and his job. At Lisette’s request, she had left all details of religion out of Brendan’s eulogy. Then she talks briefly about his struggles with alcohol and looks to his sponsor with a little smile. “But he was working on it. And he was a very loving husband of 15 years to Lisette…” She looks at Lisette and smiles “She tells me he had a great sense of humour and they shared many laughs over Kids in the Hall, The Beaverton, and the many wonderful tales told by Stuart McLean.” She laughs a little “I love all those too. Good taste Brendan McCarthy. He was also a big fan of the band The Tragically Hip and as we all were, saddened deeply by the loss of the lead singer, Gord Downey. So, while we think of Brendan, let’s listen to one of his favourite songs.” She turns around behind her and taps on a laptop and plays Wheat Kings by the Hip.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agr_wTBvhJs
She let the song play and wash over the attendants.
JP raised his hand to his brother and made a turn around motion with his hand. Nicole got him right, but it did leave the smallest of smiles on his lips. Gaetan was in many ways like a child trapped in a lumberjacks body and he’s always been slightly envious of it. But he was a brilliant businessman. Ironically, he was the one who took on the physical aspects of the business, even though he was far thinner and slighter, looking more the accountant, even though his current suit hid wiry muscles and great strength He listens to the story of Brendan’s life and realizes how much he didn’t know about his brother-in-law. Lisette and he had eloped and married in a civil ceremony. Now he listened to the song and, despite it being a funeral, grinned.
Lisette watched Monica and began to smile. No was not the time for tears. Brendan wouldn’t have wanted that, so she took the days previous to cry as if her heart had broken, and it had. She smiled and remembered her husband and, when the song played, she very softly sang along, transported to happier times. Yet, that was the time it was hardest to keep the tears at bay. But she managed.
Amelie listened to Monica talk about Brendan. She knew some of it but much of it was new. It also made her realize how far she and her sister had drifted. She and Felix had laughed over the Beaverton and Sasha loved it. She wished she could have shared those jokes with Lisette too. Good taste Brendan McCarthy, and in loving Lisette. 15 years? Amelie exhaled and went to squeeze her sister’s hand as the song started only to realize she was singing along. Amelie quietly blinked her own tears at her sister’s love and courage and sat with her.
Gaetan was a lover of all things humour so when Monica listed off all the things Brendan liked in that area he perked up and then slumped and sighed. He wished he'd known the guy better and his sister. But as he heard her singing along to the Hip his heart soared. Maybe he still had time to connect with her. He knew it too and sang along as well but as Gaetan was Gaetan, he was not quiet about it.
Nicole nodded along with a small smile at the eulogy. It was lovely and well-spoken. And then the song began. She loved the Tragically Hip too and shed tears for Brendan, Lisette, and of course Gord Downie. Then she noticed Lisette singing quietly and smiled. But then Gaetan started in and she facepalmed and laughed silently into her hand.
MC bristled as the eulogy was given. Where was God in all this? Because Brendan, above all things, needed his forgiveness. There was no mention. And then this faithless crone was playing a rock song? MC had never liked the Tragically Hip and never got what all the fuss was about. She and Julian liked country music and of course church music. She snapped her gaze to Lisette. Was she singing? MC gaped at her and then looked at JP beside her, smiling? Had they all gone collectively insane? Maybe he had gas. She prayed he had gas. And then her other buffoon of a brother started his caterwauling and she kicked her leg forward but the damned social distancing made his chair too far out of her reach and she put her foot back down and sighed in disgust. She looked beside her to an older man who also looked a bit out of sorts at the course of the service.
The song ended and Monica looked over the group again “And now Lisette has something she would like to share.” Monica stepped aside and gave 2 meters of distance for Lisette to have access to the pulpit and microphone.
Lisette smiled and took a sheet of paper out of her small purse. Standing she moved to the pulpit and microphone and waved off a mosquito. Not unfolding the paper, she inhaled. “I wanted to share a note I wrote to Branden last night It’s a thank you note.” and, not needing to unfold the note, she read;
My dearest Brendan,
I understand why you’ve done what you’ve done. Your pain just got to be too much and overpowered what kept you going. I didn’t understand what you were saying to me that night. The thank yous for all I’ve done for you and I didn’t get to thank you for all you did for me. Helping me find the courage to run away with you and then eventually impulsively marry you. To move away and start a new life with you. Moving out because you knew how hard it was for me to watch your stumbles. Staying married to me till death did we part. The way we made love, knowing that in those instances, you were free from pain if only for those hours. I hope you’re finally free from pain for good, baby. I love you.
Lisette
She managed not to cry as she read, and when she finished, she placed the note on the pulpit so that it could be placed with his urn and buried with him. Then she sat beside her sister and took several deep, calming breaths.
Amelie watched Lisette walk up, still just blown away by her sister’s strength. She would probably need a hell of a cry later she thought. She heard the words and she couldn’t stop her own tears. Her sister and Brendan’s journey had been different in many ways but the love and the pain she was hearing resonated with her too. She was surprised by Lisette mentioning their lovemaking, so freely in front of this group of people but it also made her think about Felix. She wanted them to take comfort in hours of lovemaking and be free. But she certainly didn’t want either of them to feel like Brendan did, ever. When Lisette sat back beside her she gave her a little hug, still sniffing a bit.
Nicole watched Lisette with awe and respect. To speak at all at her husband’s funeral was unimaginable to her. Even though they had separated, she could hear the love. The big complicated love. She reached for Gaetan’s hand and found to her surprise he had his face buried in both of his, quietly sobbing. She slid her hand instead across his back and rubbed it.
Gaetan watched his little sister walk up and read her letter. Suddenly his joyful heart just broke for her and the gravity of her sadness, that was not a new sadness at all sunk in. He cried and cried and covered his face with his hands. How had they let her drift so far from their support as a family? He felt Nicole rubbing his back and leaned his head on her shoulder.
MC watched Lisette walk up to speak, noting the length of her skirt. Could she not have at least dressed appropriately as a widow? And that bright blouse….MC sighed. MC could hear the sadness in Lisette’s letter and she had prayed for her sister on so many things. But then she mentioned lovemaking? Who wanted to hear about that at someone’s funeral? She really should have let her take a look at that letter and edit it first. Gaetan was crying? That was new. And Amelie but that wasn’t surprising. That woman could cry at the drop of a hat, weak-willed although pious and polite. Nicole was comforting her husband. I mean they hardly even knew this man. For a flicker of a moment, it dawned on her that maybe for Amelie, Nicole and Gaetan they were thinking of their own marriages and how sad it would be if what happened to Brendan happened to one of them or theirs. But it was a flicker. Her own marriage had become cold and loveless years ago. In some ways, it would be a relief if Julian wasn’t taking up space in her life and home but it was God’s will that she be a good wife until death do them part. And at least Julian was fulfilling his end, unlike Brendan who had taken the selfish path. She sat stoically with dry eyes.
Thomas McCarthy tensed up when his daughter in law got up to speak. This whole service had been tense for him. When Lisette said the words death did we part he stood up and walked out of the centre. He didn’t leave the grounds, but he couldn’t listen to the rest.
Alec Boyko, Brendan’s AA sponsor, was sitting to the right of his wife and her sister. He had never met Lisette but heard so much about her that when she read the letter he was visibly but quietly sobbing.
Jackie Coswin, Brendan’s boss just nodded along with Lisette’s letter and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.
JP listened to his sister’s letter and was blown away. There was a grin on his face and he nodded. Lisette had run away from home to marry this man and now he knew that it has been a happy marriage, at the very least. There had been problems none of them knew about and this couple had weathered it as best they could. But he realizes that family could have helped so much and he watched Amelie and vows to himself that he will rhea out to his sisters. Beside him MC tenses. He will reach out to two of his sisters. MC had God. She didn’t need the rest of them.
Monica looked kindly at Lisette “Lisette, that was very beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us.” She had seen the father leave partway through and sighed quietly. This was a complicated one for sure. Now she addresses some procedural matters. “Now we will walk to the graveside. But bear with me for a needed reminder in our new normal. Many of you wore maks coming in and took them off when you realized you were safely distanced. That’s ok in here. But, I want you to put them back on again if you have them, sanitize your hands once more. The door handles have been cleaned while we had our service but be safe. And then we’ll proceed.” Monica sanitizes her own hands and then from her blazer pocket takes a little purple and white-flowered face mask and puts it on. She waits a moment before she starts walking for everyone to organize themselves and then she picks up the urn and the letter and leads the way to the plot stopping at the door to fetch her umbrella from the rack and opening it carefully with a button touch. It was a good one for urn ferrying. Simple, black and modern. A small parade of umbrellas moves in a line after hers, to a stone that says Brendan McCarthy 1985-2020 and a simple etched quote No dress rehearsal, this is our life - Tragically Hip. There’s a shallow hole dug and supports around it. A cemetery attendant stands by but not too close so the family can do what they need to. Monica offers the urn to Lisette “Do you wish to place it or shall we?”
Lisette sanitizes her hands and puts on a purple mak with flowers on it and walks under Amelie’s umbrella to the gravesite. When offered the urn, she takes it, and her note. “I’ll put him to rest. Thank you, Monica.” she murmurs. Like a woman used to wearing mini skirts, she kneels, her closed knees to the side. The note she puts in first, followed by the urn on top of it. For a moment she looks at it, then straightens gracefully, absently waves away a mosquito, and steps back to Amelie, taking her arm.
JP stands and sanitizes his hands, then places on his simple black mask. From there he waits for MC and goes, watching Lisette kneel with grace and stand with same. He watches her, realizing that his baby sister might be the strongest of them … or she was better at faking it.
Ameiie sanitized her hands and slipped on her mask. It was one of Paige’s she had bought recently in a pretty leafy design. She walked out with Lisette right after Monica and opened a striped blue and yellow umbrella for the two of them to walk under. The rain was gentle but nonstop today. She stopped at the grave and read the stone. Brendan was a huge fan of the Hip in the way it was woven into his life and death. She watched Lisette accept the urn and place it and was again almost reeling from her sister’s fortitude. Also her savvy in kneeling and standing in that short skirt. It had been a long time since she pulled that move. She used to love skirts, especially the minis. Lisette had held onto that part of her youth. She envied it a bit. When Lisette came to take her arm she slid her hand over the edge of her sister’s that was reachable and gave it a pat.
In the warmth of the day and the light rain, the mosquitoes were in full force. Many little swats and slaps could be heard as everyone watched Lisette.
Gaetan and Nicole were huddled together under a black umbrella. Nicole had worn a mask but Gaetan had been heard protesting one for himself. “It’s the beard…” he had complained. Nicole had sounded a little annoyed with him but had not chosen this day or time to make a federal case of it. Now they both stood and looked at Lisete with united love and support.
MC had her own umbrella but her tank like form took up the space under it. She had not sanitized and there was no mask. She made another little face about Lisette’s skirt when she kneeled and stood up but at least she didn’t flash her panties despite showing almost all of her legs. She read the stone and pursed her lips. There was no graveside prayer being offered and that irked her.
Thomas McCarthy had followed the mourners from where he had walked off to outside. He had neither a mask not an umbrella and he stood more than 2 meters back from the group. As soon as the urn was in he began to walk to his car, without a word to the grieving widow of his only son. What no one saw though was his breakdown in the car, huddled over the steering wheel and sobbing from a deep place of agony before he drove off 5 minutes later.
Alec and Jackie had introduced themselves at the door and hedged on joining the graveside part of the day. They had opted to stay back and talk to one another and then offer their condolences to Lisette after her private time burying Brendan with her family. They stood in view respectfully watching and both turned when Thomas flew by them, looking awkward. They both had masks and raincoats with hoods instead of umbrellas.
Now Monica just respected the space of the mourners. They had no set program for this part. She nodded at the group and said “Take as long as you need.” She touched Lisette’s arm facing her briefly and walked a little towards the centre, consulting with her cemetery staff person for a few minutes.
Amelie looked at Lisette “Just let us know what you need here….we can stay by you...give you time alone….anything.” She saw Gaetan and Nicole nodding in agreement with her. MC however wandered off a bit. Amelie secretly hoped she was going to her car without an incident today. She tilted her head and looked at the others when she actually saw MC get into her car. But then she just sat in it.
JP watched MC walk off and hoped her car would start and she would be gone, but no such luck. He moved closer to Lisette and leaned into her with a one-armed hug. “I’m sorry. I love you.” he murmured, then patted her back and walked off a bit. Not to his car, but to a tree nearby and out of range.
Lisette accepted the hug from her brothers and any coming from her other relatives and in-laws. Then she takes a deep breath. “Can I have a minute or two … I just .. want one more good-bye.”
Amelie gives Lisette another little hug and then lets her go “of course cherie. Take as much time as you need.” She moves off and pases the other three and says “I have a grave I want to look for...call me back if you or Lisette needs me ok?” Then she gives them each a kind look and seeks out Monica still talking to her staff person. They have a short exchange where Amelie asks the location of Auguste Beaulieu’s plot and Monica points and gestures, sending her off down a row. She finds the plot and the stone is simple but marked clearly. She kind of squats at it and then impulsively she takes out her phone and texts Felix:
I am the Prairie Grove Cemetery at your brother’s grave. Are you free to talk or even face time? I’d like to do this with you.
Felix is lounging in bed. His bed? Their bed? Her bed? The bed Amelie usually slept in. He needed that while she was gone, even though it felt childish. His phone chimed with a text and he looked at it and blinked. Auguste? He nods at his phone before realizing that as pointless and took the phone in both hands, sitting up and replying;
Facetime … I’d like to do it too.
Amelie takes off her mask and makes the call. Felix’s face appears and she realizes immediately he’s woken up in their bedroom. Her heart soars “Hi…” She says emotionally “I don’t have tons of time but I wanted you here….” Her face is in the phone and then she turns it to show him the stone and turns it once again back to her looking through the screen with love.
Felix smiles a little. “Hi…” he understands time is short. And she hadn’t gone to see Auguste … she obviously sought him out. “Um … well, Amelie … that is Auguste. My big brother. I was stupid to keep him from you … but he always thought I was stupid.” he half laughs and half sobs. “He would have loved you and the kids so much. I’ll make it up to all of you … Auguste .. the kids … and you. I swear. And Amelie. I love you.”
Amelie cries immediately as Felix talks but there are quite a few smiles interspersed and a few laughs. She answers by talking to the stone “Hi Auguste. I wish I had known you. Your brother is not stupid but the best man I have ever known, the love of my life.” Now she turns to Felix “I love you too. I think older siblings just make us feel stupid sometimes even if they don’t mean to...Auguste probably didn’t mean to. I’m sure M does..” she laughs. “I have a lot to make up to you too….we’ll do it together Felix.” She sees Gaetan wandering like he’s looking for her “Shoot, I think I need to go. I’m glad you’re sleeping in our bed.”
Felix has tears going down his face. “Oh, I think he meant it the same way Sasha does when he calls Rene stupid.” he wipes away his tears. “We will, mon amour. And … our bed smells like you and I miss you so … I’m being sentimental.” he teases. “Go on. Give Lisette my love, please.”
Amelie sniffs and wipes at her face laughing “Be sentimental. I will. I love you Felix Beaulieu. I’ll let you know when I’m on the road. Bye for now.” And she ends the call as Gaetan spots her and waves her over. She catches up to him.
Everyone who’s still there seems to be gathered in front of the centre now. Lisette was in the center of a conversation with two people Amelie had seen in the service but they had not come to the graveside. Monica was off to one side talking with Nicole and JP casually.
Jackie Coswin said her goodbye and had offered her condolences. She clicked the key fob for her car and it beeped as she walked to it.
Alec Boyko was shaking Lisette’s hand “He really loved you so much. You kept him on the path more than anything else. I just wanted to tell you that Lisette.”
Lisette shook his hand. “That means a lot. Thank you, Alec.” she turned her head and saw Amelie. “Thank you for coming. I need to go talk with my sister.” and she heads in Amelie’s direction.
Alec let go, said goodbye and walked towards a bus stop nearby.
Amelie gave Lisette a small smile “I found...Felix’s brother….well his grave. Long story. We need wine tonight.” She laughs a bit and is almost knocked over by Gaetan as he tries to hug both Amelie and Lisette together.
“My beautiful sisters!” He wraps a burly arm around each of them if he can “I love you so much.” He lets Amelie go and just bear hugs Lisette if he can “Especially you. Let’s not be strangers Lisette. We’re here for you.”
Nicole swats at her husband’s back “Let her breathe Gaetan! Mon dieu.”
MC gets out of her car and begins to walk over. As it looks like people are saying goodbye, now’s her chance to talk as well. She speed walks up, waiting to speak to Lisette after Gaetan and Nicole.
Lisette arches her brow. “Felix had a brother?” she blinks and agrees. “Yes. Wine tonight.” she promises and then is having the breath hugged out of her. She smiles softly. “ love you, too, Gaetan. I really do. And yes … to keeping in touch.” and then she sees MC marching over. “Fuck…” she murmurs.
JP has followed Gaetan and shakes his head at his brother. “Listen to your wife.” he tells Gaetan and then looks at Lisette. “And you, listen to your brother … lets not be out of touch anymore.” he looks and sees MC on her way. “Oh God…”
MC squares off right in front of Lisette. “I am sorry for your loss, such that it was. This was an unusual way to lay him to rest. Do you plan to have something in his church later? I know he was Catholic. Maman told me…..and if you do…” She looks down at her sister’s short skirt “Keep it more appropriate, no sex talk and short skirts.”
At this Amelie steps in between her sisters. Amelie was known in the family to not be a yeller. She was overly polite. But her first words to MC were at a volume only her children in a moment of extreme danger had ever heard. “MARIE-CLAUDE THAT IS ENOUGH!” She screamed into the fierce face. “You do not get to talk to her like that. You do not get to tell her what she should do after her husband dies….YOU DO NOT GET TO TELL ANY WOMAN HOW LONG THEIR SKIRT SHOULD BE EVER!” She lowered her voice “That includes our sister and your daughter….and mine in case you ever see them again! Go the fuck home! You are not helping!” She was so mad she was shaking but her stance was firm to the ground.
Gaetan steps back from Lisette as his jaw drops at Amelie telling off MC. He looks like he could fall over. Nicole stands wide eyed beside him.
Monica did a double take at what was happening and then slipped away sideways and made herself scarce. Let the families sort out their own drama, whatever it was.
JP arches his brows at Amelie. His jaw opens in shock, but then he slowly smiles and begins to clap slowly, looking at Amelie, clearly impressed.
Lisette tightens her jaw as MC lays into her. But she wasn’t a child anymore. Yet, before she can say anything, Amelie goes off on MC. Everyone is staring and JP is clapping. Lisette takes off her mask and puts her arms around Amelie and hugs her, tightly. “What you said.” she looks at MC. “MC … fuck off. Just .. fuck off.”
MC looks at Amelie with pure rage like she might just crush her, and she likely could, but then she sees the reactions of her other siblings. No one is backing her up. How dare they allow this? JP is clapping? And smiling? Gaetan and Nicole are just standing there like a pair of idiots. And then Lisette hugs Amelie and tells her to fuck off. More blasphemy. MC starts to shake and tear up and back up a few steps. She points wildly at the lot of them “You’re all going to hell.” And she stalks off to her car before anyone can reply, starts it up and peels out of the parking lot and takes off.
Amelie deflates into her hug with Lisette “Holy shit…” She starts laughing. “So that happened…”
Gaetan and Nicole walk up to the hugging sisters both laughing but also looking ready to leave.
Gaetan speaks first “Amelie...Lisette, it turns out you two had the biggest balls after all. I will leave you to them.”
Nicole gives him a thwap and gently hugs them “That was epic. And my husband is rude. Take care Lisette. We’ll talk soon.” She lets them go and starts to head off, tugging her burly man after her.
JP is smiling a bit wider. “That was … incredible. And I think the perfect ending to the funeral of a Recovering Catholic.” he goes to hug his sisters. “Keep in touch. I mean it.” he turns and heads for his car and ill be off home.
Lisette hugs her remaining siblings and watches them head off. Then she blows out a breath and looks around. “Thanks for coming, Amelie … it means a lot.”
Amelie exhales and smiles “I’m glad to be here for you. I’ve never yelled at MC before….I’ve hardly yelled at anyone ever. I mean with the kids...but even then only when Sasha was about to fall out of a tree or when Genevieve decided to ride her tricycle on the road….” She laughs “Do you think she’ll tell on us?” She laughs some more at the thought of it. “Oh mon dieu what a day. You did amazing today Lisette. You are the strongest person I know. And I’ll still feel that way if you need to fall apart later.”
Lisette gives a small laugh. “I’ve never told MC to fuck off before … well … not to her face.” she snorts. “Oh, what if she does? We’re grown women, Amelie … and you have almost grown children. And Maman won’t talk to me, so I’m safe .. and I have changed in 15 years.” she smiles. “Well, I admire the hell out of you, Ame. And .. yes … I may need to fall apart. I promised him no tears, but … later I might.” she blows out a breath. “What a day, indeed. Let’s take a walk. Maybe I am avoiding leaving but … let’s walk.”
Amelie nods along and smiles at Lisette “It’s all good. And you’re setting the pace here. I’m here for you so if you want to walk, we walk..” She gestures to a path ahead between the rows of graves. The rain has finally stopped so she takes down the umbrella, shakes it out and carries it. It’s quite a lovely cemetery with a fair number of trees creating a canopy over the graves. They walk a row and then Amelie casually turns, rounding to the next row. She looks at the headstones because cemeteries make one curious. How long did this person live? Oh no a whole family died here and then suddenly she freezes and stops walking in front of a headstone that says Neil Morris 1958-2018. Amelie starts shaking and sinks to her knees staring at his name. She presses her hand into the earth, possibly for balance but then scoops up a handful of mud and throws it at the headstone with a scream.
Lisette finds the cemetery beautiful and as they walk is glad she picked the place. As they walk, Amelie freezes and Lisette looks at her, seeing the stone, but not knowing the name. Suddenly her sister sinks to the ground and begins to throw mud at the stone. Going to her, Lisette lowers herself to the ground as well. “Amelie? Amelie what is it?”
Amelie starts crying hysterically “He’s dead...he’s dead...2018…” She grabs another handful of mud and hurls it “He raped me.” More mud thrown “He was my professor…” Another fistful “I got pregnant...and I couldn’t bring myself to end it…” Now she sits back and cries into her hands with the mud smearing her face “Felix told Maman and Papa it was his and proposed…..I lost it….he married me anyways.” She looks up “My whole life has been fucked up by this man. And he’s dead!” She sobs “Felix and I almost split up….” Now she just curls into herself and cries.
Lisette listens to Amelie as she rants and throws mud. Her face goes from confused to horrified to compassionate. “Oh, Amelie….” she will try and gather her sister in her arms and rock her back and forth if allowed.
Amelie lets Lisette hold her and rock her and cries into her for a long time. She finally catches her breath and sits up “Thank you. I’m getting help now. I wouldn’t for a long time. I just kept letting it destroy my marriage bit by bit. Felix is getting help too...not just about this...he has a whole pile of family stuff. We’re working on a lot right now.” She points at the grave “This helps…..in fact.” She looks at her filthy muddy hand “Eugh…..” And she wipes it on a patch of grass and then her pant leg and takes out her phone. Amelie takes a picture of the headstone. And with no accompanying text she just sends Felix the photo. “Maybe it will help him to see that too. Oh Lisette, we’ve missed a lot of each other’s lives haven’t we? I’m so sorry…”
Lisette hugs Amelie for a long time. “I remember …” she whispers. “I was still in high school. I remember thinking they should be happy Felix loved you enough to marry you, but they ere jsut angry because you Were pregnant and THEN Felix proposed.” she sighs deeply. “Oh, Amelie. I’m so sorry! Twenty YEARS .. oh my god.” she backs up a bit watching her take the picture. “Oh I hope this helps both of you. I really do!”
Felix is in the kitchen fixing himself some breakfast. As he picks up the plate to move to the table, he feels the text, and he fishes the phone out of his pocket to look at it. The plate crashes to the floor and he stares for almost a solid minute. Then he replies;
Thank God! Now you can truly heal.
He sends it … and starts crying, oblivious to the mess on the kitchen floor.
Sasha had snuck into the house just before his father went downstairs. He knew his parents knew he sometimes slept at Paige’s, well his dad did for sure, but the fact that he’d been there every night might not fly so about every second night he made a point of giving the illusion that he was sleeping at home. Now he was not yet asleep and he heard a crash. Gen, Cath and Rene could all sleep through a train driving through their beds. Sasha jogged downstairs to see his father crying and a shattered plate on the floor with his toast being gobbled up be Taffy. He walked to him and looked at his phone held in his hand and saw a text stream between his parents visible. Normally he would never look but given his father crying, Sasha put one arm around him and with the other scrolled up and looked at the picture that was under the words Thank God! Now You can truly heal. It was a gravestone with a man’s name. Sasha hugged his father and then heard other people waking. He grabbed the dustpan and dealt with the plate and then asked his dad if he wanted to go outside on the deck and talk.
Amelie sniffed and nodded at Lisette “So if you have a good therapist, keep going….” Her phone buzzed and she looked down at it. With a small smile she just showed Lisette the words. “Let’s go buy that wine.”
Lisette smiled. “I do, and I will.” She and Amelie stand and begin heading for Amelie’s rental car. After a proper goodbye to Monica, they headed back to Lisette’s apartment. It was a micro one-bedroom in a decent part of town. She lets them in and nods to the couch, kicking off her shoes and going to change first. Then she tells Amelie to change … or even take a shower if she wants to. But when Amelie comes out, Lisette will be in long cut off jean shorts and a tank top, sitting on her couch with two glasses and a bottle of good wine.
Amelie takes Lisette up on her suggestion. She still had mud caked onto her face, hands, arms and neck and some was ground into her shirt sleeve. She scrubs out the shirt and hangs it and then steps into a nice warm shower washing off layers beyond just mud. She changes into a pair of comfy grey cotton capris and a mauve t-shirt and joins her sister on the couch that will be her bed later. She picks up one of the glasses and holds it out hopefully “I am a pushy guest when wine is offered.” She jokes. “But I am willing to order us some dinner later or we could walk to one of those patio places. What do you like? You’re right on Corydon with all these restaurants….”
Lisette at first sits normally, then scratches out her legs, then cracks her back a little bit. When Amelie returns, the pours eagerly for them both, then pulls her legs up under her. “We were going to eat?” she jokes. She hasn’t eaten much in the last several days. Taking a deep breath, she decides. “Let’s order in. Please. I’m really not up for facing more people with my public persona.” she blows out a breath. “Now … I don’t even know where to start. So … Felix has a brother?” she frowns in confusion. Maybe that bombshell was easier to talk about than the rapist.
Amelie nods in understanding “Yes no more people. I will look at menus in a moment.” She sighs “Felix had a brother named Auguste. He was gay... and I think their parents were if possible worse than ours. They were awful to him. He struggled with ... well ... all the things... and he eventually overdosed. Felix never told me about him until recently. Part of it was my trauma… took up all the space. I had no idea. It was before me in his life but yeah. And we had a big fight about secrets and the kids and he told me. Things have been a mess, Lisette. But I think visiting Auguste’s grave helped. I facetimed Felix. We cried together. He seems to be back in our bed again. He was sleeping in the garage.” She sips her wine deeply.
Lisette sighs as she listens. “Oh, Amelie. Everything seems to have come to a head with you two.” she sips her wine. “A gay man in a Catholic family. It must have been a nightmare for both of them if Felix isn’t one to care about that sort of thing. And your trauma … I know it’s like a cancer, even if you DO get help. Brendan was in and out of therapy, but … they’d get to a certain point and he would stop going …” she sips more wine. “I wish Brendan could have seen a grave for Father Millson. Maybe it would have helped him.” she takes a deep breath. “Do you want to talk about it? I know it has to hurt. But Felix stuck with you. He’s an incredible man.” she smiles a bit. “We both lucked out, I think.”
Amelie sighs “I wish that had happened for Brendan too. Didn’t you say the man was winning some kind of award? We should write a letter to the organization.” Amelie leans her head back on the couch “I have been talking about this a lot. I know it’s good. It’s just draining. I go to therapy 3 times a week. I even did a session virtually on the road. I will need to again on Monday. But I will share it with you. Dr. Morris was like a mentor, a favourite professor. I trusted him. And he was an older man. I got sick the day of my last final. So he let me write another day in his office. It was hot out and I had a date with Felix after. So I wore a short sundress. I didn’t think anything of it and it shouldn’t be an invitation. But they raked me over the coals about it in court. That’s where he attacked me, in the office.” She closes her eyes “It came out of nowhere. I just froze. I should have fought...” At that she chokes up a bit. “I was handing in my exam and he just did it. Then he acted like it was nothing. He wished me a good summer....a good summer?” Now she grips her wine glass. “I went to Felix. He held my hand through everything. The police even asked if he did it. I got pregnant as you know and lost it.” She inhales and exhales “I felt guilty about how relieved I was. There was a trial and I wasn’t his only victim. So he went to prison. I assume he died in there. Part of me died out here, at least for a while.” She sniffs and then laughs “I haven’t worn a dress since. With the exception of my wedding dress which was very long and cumbersome. How they attacked me about the dress in court... like I had gone to use my body to get a higher mark writing an exam alone in his office. Did you cross and uncross your legs they asked me.” She scoffs and downs the rest of her wine. “It’s part of what set me off with MC. I have been hearing her take shots at you. Danielle and Vivienne, too. As strict as I can be with my kids I have never said anything about skirt length or anyone asking for it by certain clothing.”
Lisette listens and feels her sister’s pain. “I know they do that. I’ve been in court with girls who have been raped. Blaming the victim should not be a thing, but it is.” she blows out a breath. “MC is … I don’t even know what’s wrong with her. But skirt length should never be an issue .. yet... maybe it’s male dominated society. I don’t know. But you are no MC, especially if you don’t freak out over skirt length.” she sips her wine. “Poor girls. It almost makes me wonder what kind of women our sister is raising.” she sighs deeply and then sips again, sets her glass down and refills both glasses. “Would you like a dress?” she asks softly. “We’re about the same size and I actually have several .. brand new with tags and everything.” she chuckles softly. “I found a sale and went a little insane last summer …” she admits.
Amelie looks remorseful “I gave into a lot of fear. I could have become like MC. My kids, my older two. I said stupid things in fear. I told them to wait until marriage before having sex. Honestly, it just made them go to Felix instead. It made everyone afraid to tell me things including Felix. I was becoming MC. Maybe she needs help too. I don’t think it is so good with her and Julian. I have never seen them exchange any kind of affection. They barely even smile or laugh together. Do you know what she told me right before I walked down the aisle to Felix? Pee after sex or you’ll get an infection. Not congratulations. Not I wish you all happiness. Just pee after sex. Not that Maman gave us any helpful words either. I don’t want to be MC.” She smiles a bit “A dress? I’m curious about the idea again. Can I see them? You were so graceful in your short skirt earlier. I used to be too. Maybe it’s time to take it back.”
Lisette winces at what Amelie said in fear. “Oh, MC needs a LOT of help.” she agrees. “I don’t even know why they married. And the kids … I really hope they weren’t just MC’s ‘wifely duty’.” she laughs. “Pee after sex … or you’ll get an infection. Don’t worry. You aren’t Maman.” she smiles and stands, motioning Amelie to follow. She goes into her bedroom and opens her closet, taking five pretty but short sundresses, complete with the tags still attached out and laying them on the bed before sitting on the edge and setting her wine on her bedside table. “Take two they’re small.” she teases.
Amelie nods begrudgingly “Yes Maman and her UTIs. It’s a miracle we all exist. Maybe MC takes after her. But you know what else causes infection? Lazy hygiene...she doesn’t wash well enough. Maybe it’s my profession...it makes me a bit anal, and this pandemic. I did not see her sanitize once. She’s one of those build up your immunity freaks. I mean mon dieu, you can be Catholic and still understand science.” Amelie follows “I have a terrible picnic story about them later….but it might ruin our appetite.” Then she sees the dresses and stares at them with a smile “Oh they’re so pretty. Two, are you sure? You’ll wear these I’m sure…” She holds up a brown flowered dress and feels it “I like this fabric, and Felix likes brown...not that it’s just for him.” She giggles a bit and then sighs “Lisette. I’ve forgotten how to be sexy for my husband. I mean I’ve had a lot of years of pushing him away, literally, and now I want nothing more than to hold onto him and never let go. I’m not trying to trigger you...I can only imagine how you feel about that after losing Brendan.”
Lisette snorts. “No. I’m a social worker and I know about hygiene. And tell away. I haven’t eaten in a while so better before than after.” she grins and watches her sister pick out a dress. Then she sighs. “No triggering.” she sips her wine. “The note I read … I didn’t tell you about the couple of days before Brendan died. He took me out, wined and dined me and we went back to the house and made love. It was beautiful.” she offers a small smile. “He‘d want me to hold on to the beautiful memories. And that night I know he was trying to make the best of all.” she sips her wine again/ “You love Felix and .. it’ll come back to you. I’m guessing you two didn’t have a lot of sex?” she almost smirks. “Well … think of it as a new chance at the beginning of yoru relationship, exept now you can send the kids out with strict instructions not to ome back before dinner or it’s their psyches.”
Amelie makes a face “It’s a gross story and Felix and I used our small children to lie to MC and Julien…” she laughs “But we saved our family from a terrible fate. Be glad you missed a lot of these but we used to rotate hosting a summer barbecue for Papa’s birthday. It was their year. We always dreaded their years. Sasha was 4 and Gen was 2. I was newly pregnant with Rene….anyhow they hosted but when we got there both MC and Julien didn’t look well and neither did their kids. I felt like they were fighting a bug...the correct thing to do would have been to cancel or postpone but they insisted on having it and handling all the food. I had brought a fruit salad which I hung onto when I saw the state of them. Then Julien was barbecuing and Felix and I watched him walk to the woods behind their yard and take a piss. Then he went right back to the food!” She throws up her hands and looks horrified still. “So then they’re handing out cheeseburgers, and Sasha really wanted one. I could tell but we told Julien he was a fussy eater and that Gen was cutting her molars and it would just be easier to give them our fruit. You have never seen Sasha glare like he did at us that day. But he didn’t out us...he ate the fruit. We felt so bad we drove to Steinbach after and took the kids through the McDonald’s drive through. They were getting sick..MC, Julien, the kids….and then Gaetan, Nicole and Etienne...our parents. We tried to warn people but we were too slow. Everyone else at the barbecue ended up with vomiting and diarrhea for 4 days. 4 days! Why did they host? Why didn’t he wash? Disgusting…” Then she looks awkward and a little sad “Well we had no sex at first, I mean after….let me correct, before I was raped Felix blew my mind in ways I never though humanly possible. We barely slept. I’m amazed we both passed our university courses…” She laughs and then frowns “That changed in a day…..then I couldn’t for a year and a half, and then it was still awkward. It took us a while to have kids for that reason. Having sex to get pregnant was a focus for me...but maybe the wrong focus. Don’t get me wrong I love my children.” She thinks about the night Lisette described “That was Brendan’s goodbye to you...that makes it even harder in some ways. He really did love you...he just didn’t love him.” She sighs and hugs her sister “I can’t be sorry enough this all happened to you.”
Lisette screws up her face at the story of the bad barbecue. “God. Makes me gladder than ever I ran away on my fucking 19th birthday.” her face changes, going from disguised at MC’s hygiene to happy to hear how fantastic Felix was to sorrow at how the rape had changed it in an instant. “Definitely the wrong focus, Ame. I’m so sorry. And Felix stayed? Remained faithful? God, that’s amazing. Not many men want to go without a month, never mind years.”
And then she is nodding and half smiling again. “Exactly that. Loving me wasn’t enough.” she bites her lip. “I wish it had been.” she hugs Amelie hard. “We’re both sorry for each other.” she chuckles. “SO many years lost, Ame. Me with you and our brothers. You and Well this can be a whole new thing … OUR new normal. Me writing and calling and texting more often. You not replying quickly because you’re still trying to see straight from all of the orgasm’s Felix is giving you making up for the last 20 years.” she giggles.
Amelie laughs and swats at Lisette “Mon dieu…” She lays out the brown dress and then takes off her t shirt and pulls it on over her capris and looks down “Hmm..” Then she takes off the capris and spins around “What do you think?” She notices a full length mirror near the closet and looks at herself seeing a different woman than she did this morning “You know Lisette, this new normal could include you coming for a vacation to stay with us on Alexandra? It’s very nice there and I would love for you to know the kids better. They’re getting so grown up so fast. But I like who they're becoming….bit of a rough ride but I even like who they’ve chosen to love. Well Sasha and Gen, Rene and Cath are still younger….” She sighs “And yes, Felix stayed. He is the best man I could have ever met. He threatened to leave if I didn’t get help...and I am getting help.” She snorts “We could invite the brothers too but you first. I feel like I need to Gaetan proof our house before him….maybe the whole neighbourhood.” She laughs.
Lisette smiles as she is swatted and looks at the dress. “It looks like I won’t hear from you until the morning after you get home.” she teases, dryly. Then she looks thoughtful. “I might.” she replies. “There is so much … Brendan here. I could use a break.” she laughs. “Thank you for inviting me first. And you will have to Gaetan the house … the whole of British Columbia.” she laughs.
Amelie laughs “I thought maybe the rocky mountains the ocean would buffer his voice a bit.” Then she switched back from the dress to her clothes but eyes a mauve one “Did you really mean two?” She grins a bit “And yes it’s a big change of scenery for you...and no mosquitoes! I’m spoiled by it.” She pulls out her phone “Ok I am getting hungry now and craving pizza from a place Felix used to order from. I hope they still exist...oooh yes here we do Santa Lucia...oh there’s one down Corydon...that’ll be fast delivery. What do you like on pizza? I’m a salt freak...I like double olive. Oh and Greek salad….yes.” She taps away and scrolls. “I had more to say about Felix’s brother….well not specifically him. But Felix was a fierce advocate of Auguste I’m guessing. And it showed when Sasha’s childhood best friend Marc came out. Marc was bullied so badly. Sasha was a good friend to him. Felix guided Sasha, honestly, I learned from it. I mean so far in our family no one’s been gay or lesbian or transgender, as far as I know. So I was….I’ll admit it, I was ignorant. But Marc was in our house so much from when he was just little. We already adored him so how could we not accept who he grew to be? His parents were amazing, but they had to move. Now they’re in Vancouver which I think might be even better...I mean I don’t know, they’re still friends but life happens.”
Lisette laughs and drinks more of her wine. “Yes … take THREE if it will reignite your sex life.” she laughs in between sips. “And I will come visit you. Soon, I promise.” then she smiles. “Pizza sounds fantastic.” she likes that is was from the place she and Felix used to order, too. She listens to the next story and grins. “Am I just still being bitter to say I hope MC is a closet lesbian?” she quips and then gets serious. “That’s the thing, Amelie. Being gay … it shouldn’t matter to anyone. I know from my work that it’s still … something … that people can’t just accept people on something other than their sex life, gender preference, or any of the things that don’t really matter.” she sighs deeply.
Amelie just takes initiative and orders the food and then choke laughs about MC being a closet lesbian “Dear god...pray for the lebians then. I don’t know what she is but they broke the mold with her.” She nods along with what Lisette is saying “I agree. I mean if someone’s a good person that’s what matters. He’s not gay but I learned a hard elsson about that with Gen’s boyfriend...he’s troubled. Like on your radar in your work troubled. He’s a foster kid and his mother took her life when he was 12….he found her. So it led to him acting out I guess….some shall we say criminal stuff. We met him because he and Gen got arrested for something he was mixed up in. So needless to say wrong foot….but he’s trying and he’s a kind person and I can see how much he and Gen love each other. Dante is his name. I know you won’t judge him but it was hard for me to come around. He’s not who I imagined my daughter falling in love with, but he’s who she chose and I have grown to like him. But definitely not gay from the condoms I found in her purse…” She laughs and falls back on the bed “It was so easy when they were small!”
Lisette snorted. “They sure did.” She shakes her head. “I almost wonder about her kids…” she shakes her head and listens to the story of this troubled young man. Her face softens, but she doesn’t look shocked. At the end she laughs. “Well, if it gets him off the streets and away from crime … more power to him and Gen in their relationship.” she pats Amelie on her arm. “But I’m proud of you. I remember you being pretty religious …. And not in the good way. Now you seem to … believe in god but not in the bullshit? Does that make sense?”
She trunks to look at Lisette “Yes they definitely have a powerful enough connection to be life changing. She’s very mature with him. He also is in a really good foster home and that helps. Actually they’re next door. Lydia, Lydia Alvin. She’s a remarkable woman. I’m honestly a little jealous of her parenting skills.” She laughs a bit and then shrugs “I’m still religious but I admit I’m not sure of my path right now. Part of it is this...you, Brendan, coming here, all the shit with MC. Not wanting to be MC or our mother. I’m trying to find my place in it. Felix hasn’t been in the same place as me spiritually, and the kids well they have their own path and i know now I need to respect that. I just don’t know mine anymore…” She sits back up “What do you believe Lisette?”
Lisette smiles at the idea that her niece has found someone that special. “You’ll have to introduce me when I come visit.” she tells her. Then the topic becomes religion. “I did Alanon for a hole. Families of alcoholics. And I like the concept of the goddess based religions, because they feel gentler and more loving, but they don’t always feel welcoming to males. I really like the polytheistic religions. I mean … how can one go handle all there is to handle in people and animals and nature.” she scoffs. “If there is one god, maybe that is why things go so horribly wrong. He or she takes their eye off the ball and … things go crazy.” she sighs. “We had a pretty messed up childhood., but I’m actually very happy, even though I’ve lost Brendan. And you will find happiness again with Felix. I know you will. I have faith in you.” and she elbows her with a snarky grin.
Amelie’s head swirls with the ideas of goddesses and many gods and god dropping the ball. She had bought the dogma of Catholicism hook line and sinker for so many years. But she listens curiously and then smiles “I’m glad you’re happy and yes I do actually believe I'll and we’ll get there too...faith….punny...ow..” she giggles and then there’s a distinct ring of the phone indicating someone’s waiting to be buzzed into the building “Pizza!”
Lisette giggles and sort of shoves her sister as if its a race to the door. She lets the delivery man in and he leaves it in front of the door, where she retrieves it. Moving into her little dining room area, she begins to unpack. “Do we want to dirty dishes?” she asks. “This smells … incredible.” then again, she hasn’t eaten anything substantial in days.
Amelie playfully races her sister but lets her win since it is her place. She shrugs “Might be helpful for the salad not to try and eat it with our hands.” She’s being cheeky “While we still have the box, let me take a pic for Felix. I know I’m ridiculous but this used to be his favourite pizza, our favourite, It's the sauce I swear.” She snaps a photo and then sends it with a quick line:
OK this one’s happier. Double olive and Greek salad. We had to. I love you.
Then she smiles “Now we can just be vultures.”
Lisette rolls her eyes and sighs in mock exasperation. “Fine. I’ll get bowls while you take pictures to titillate your husband.” She heads into the kitchen and soon returns with bowls and forks. “Is it safe now?”
Felix is enjoying an afternoon alone after a heart to heart with his oldest child about why he was crying with a broken plate at his feet. It had both exhausted and liberated him and now he lay on the couch doing absolutely nothing of note. His phone chimes and he looks at it and smiles.
I’m jealous. Maybe I’ll have one all to myself.
He chuckles as he sends his reply.
Amelie sees Felix’s reply as he types it and grins at Lisette “Yeah it’s safe. Sorry I’m being rude and texting a boy like my teenage daughter…” She laughs and then sends back:
You should. I won’t tell the kids:)
And then she pockets her phone, feeling a little school girlish. “Alright I’m back. How’s your work Lisette? I know the job you do can be really intense.”
Finally able to get a piece of pizza, Lisette takes one and considers it before biting in. Chewing she chuckles. “Well there goes my blood pressure.” she jokes, but finishes it and takes some salad before answering Amelie. “Work .. is work” she sighs. “Some of these cases, Amelie … they break my heart. I’d just reported one of my so called colleagues for trying to remove a child from a home with no abuse … but the mother was single and Indigenous. Yes, it was an intergenerational trauma household, but the mother is working to break that cycle. How is this still happening?” she blows out a breath. “I swear I need a transfer.” she stabs into her salad and eats.
Amelie looks compassionate as she eats and listens. Then she dabs at her mouth with a napkin “We’re supposed to be in this era of reconciliation but that’s so contradictory. Alexandra is a very diverse community. I mean just in my patients and the neighbours….and people talk pretty openly about how it’s more accepting, more open minded, and kind. I feel it. I mean I know easy to say as a white French Canadian….but it is something that comes up. I don’t know a lot about the Indigenous history of the land. I supposed the kids will tell me once they're in school. My kids are miles ahead of me in every way.” She finished her first slice and reaches for another with a look of food bliss but before she bites into it she says “Not to open a wound but you said you and Brendan tried to have children and it didn’t happen….I won’t make you talk about it if it’s too much.”
Lisette works on her salad, nodding as Amelie speaks. “It sounds lovely. And I’d love to be closer to you. We’ll see.” she reaches for another slice of pizza and nibbles, then replies. “We tried. I think both of us thought children would fix us. But .. I never got pregnant.” she winks. “We certainly tried enough.” she shrugs. “Maybe it was gods will, or the will of the gods … or even me somehow.” she arches her brow. “Why? You want to give me your youngest or something?” she laughs and takes a bite.
Amelie smiles kindly “Well they don’t fix a marriage but they are nice.” She laughs “Cath comes with a puppy now….and we’ll keep her. She’s got a lot of challenges in school. I think she’s ADHD. I don’t really need a diagnosis, just a school that gets her. I’m hoping Alexandra Academy is the one. She needs a different approach than she was given in St. Pierre.” She takes another bite “And both she and Rene have made some friends. Rene a whole group of them it seems. Which is nice for him that they’re not so cliquey here or at least the clique chose him. 13 is a hard age socially. I remember. Gen has Dante and a best friend already so I’m not so worried about her in school.”
Lisette shrugs. “Believe me, I know. In hindsight … even a not abusive alcoholic father is still an alcoholic father, and between my issues and his … not having children was probably a very good idea.” She eats a bit more pizza as Amelie keeps talking. “You’ll find out in September, when the schools come back. IF the schools come back. It sounds like all the kids are doing great … more proof that you really are a fantastic mother.” she shrugs. “I mean … who do you have to compare to? MC? I don’t remember her kids too much … but they have the potential to be seriously screwed based on their mother alone.”
Amelie looks pained for Lisette. “I used to end up with her kids a lot...Annette had a lot of pressure on her as the oldest...way more than we put on Sasha..I mean I’d like to think we don’t pressure Sasha but he’d probably say differently.” She goes on “They were always good for Felix and I. MC would say they were acting up and they’d come to our house and play nicely with the kids, put their dishes in the sink when we asked…..They can be very sweet. But I did worry about them. I mean I would never take my kids to be babysat as punishment...in fact when they’re acting up Felix and I want to watch them more. I don’t know Lisette. She has strange ways. I only had that going on until Annette was old enough to watch them and then I guess even more pressure right? And my kids never wanted to go to MC, not that we forced that...but they all love Gaetan and Nicole and JP. JP’s a little quieter so they don’t know him as well. He’s always been so quiet and private. Maybe it’s how he copes with all we’ve been talking about.”
Lisette nods, slowly. “Anette was still really a child when I got married. Do you know what she’s doing now? She’s an adult. Older than Sasha.” she sighs. “Our parents … MC is Maman. And who doesn’t love our brothers? I mean Geatan might be ADHD as hyper as he is … and JP … I don’t know .. quiet strength. The observer. You were a good girl, as far as I remember. And I, of course.” she places her hand on her chest. “I was the slut who was burning in hell for all eternity.” she rolls her eyes and eats more pizza, chuckling softly.
Amelie thinks “MC always sends out a Christmas letter...you know the kind with all their accomplishments listed?” She rolls her eyes “Mom culture pet peeve of mine. Anyhow I think Annette is actually studying in Vancouver and working for a church. I should be a better aunt and try to connect. Take her out for lunch or something.” She smiles “You are right about our brothers. JP was as hilarious as Gaetan today, not as loud but the clapping?” She cracks up. “I was a good girl, yes Amelie the hard worker like my name means. It’s honestly a little boring. And I wouldn’t call you a slut...mon dieu. You know I didn’t wait until I was married….and while I did wait for Felix, there were a few boys in high school. Clumsy fumbling moments I confessed. None of us knew what we were doing. Maybe you knew more than I did.”
Lisette rolls her eyes. “Yes, Church Bulletin Family Edition. And it looks like Annette is MC’s favorite, unless Benoit or Jean-Francois joined the priesthood.” she smiles. “That would be nice. If she lets you in. I wouldn’t care if our niece made Mother Theresa look like a skank, as long as she’s not like her mother about Catholicism.” she laughs about JP. “Yes … that’s the first time I ever remember him saying … anything. I remember he took literally one step forward when you said you were pregnant, but … I guess he wasn't strong enough. None of us was.” she smiles. “Alright I wasn’t a slut, but I wasn’t a virgin. Brendan taught me that what I was feeling wasn’t as good as it could be and the EMOTION … god …” she sighs. “And Amelie he worked on me for a year to marry him.” she snorts. “I think it was that he didn’t ask Papa for permission. He was Catholic. Not French but Catholic … not a GOOD Catholic, but Catholic.” she rolls her eyes. “You got a man who loves you, Amelie. Fuck what the rest of us think.”
Amelie snorts “She would love if one of those boys became a priest. Maman once said our JP would be a good priest. I don’t think she said it to him ever and I’m not sure I was meant to overhear it.” She looks touched that JP stepped forward “I was trying to tell all of itm the whole story...but when Maman and Papa threatened to throw me out Felix stepped in and proposed. I think he knew from his parents. I wasn’t strong enough either back then, Felix was. I leaned too hard on him for too long.” She listened to her sister’s connection with Brendan and nods “A year? And I don’t know what a good Catholic is anymore. I never thought I’d say that. I am happy Felix still loves me after all of it. And I’m really happy right now to reconnect with you, and even a bit more with our brothers too. Today was sad but for our family, it finally felt more real.”
Lisette seems to consider it. “JP might be a good priest. He’s very calm and cool and collected. I don’t know if he still goes to church, but he probably does, having stayed so close to the old homestead.” she smiles. “You’re supposed to lean on your husband .. the problem it sounds like you had as you leaned and both of you allowed you to not make inroads on your problem, if that makes sense. And yes … I missed you .. well most of you.” clearly MC was not missed. “Did you hear her? Sorry for my loss, such as it was. What in the bloody blue fuck was THAT supposed to mean?”
“It does make sense. Total sense.” Amelie admits ruefully. “I think they all go to church, JP, Gaetan...of course MC, I mean I missed a Sunday virtually and I got two texts in a row...MC and Gaetan. Hers was judgy his was hey if you’re skipping tell me so I can skip too. So maybe it’s more a habit. “ She nibbles at some salad and then looks annoyed “I think it’s….well I’m not sure but maybe about suicide? Just a guess based on how aligned she is with it all.”
Lisette laughs. “Yea .. that sounds like Gaetan.” she sighs. “Maybe. Why did she even come, besides to tell me that bullshit. I was respecting Brendans wishes but I also hoped maybe MC wouldn’t step on unconsecrated ground just to tell me … anything, frankly.”
Amelie exhales “I don’t know. I feel like she just couldn’t resist snooping on it and getting a dig in. I mean I guess we could have told Monica not to allow certain people but I can’t imagine that nice old lady going toe to toe with MC. Brendan’s father, he left part way through you talking...and then came to the grave but left that early too. Did you know him at all or was Brendan estranged from his parents too?”
Lisette winces. “Oh got .. MC …she would have chewed that sweet woman up and spit her into Brendans ashes.” and she sighs. “Ohhh yea. I think the nicest thing I ever heard from him towards Brendan was ‘Well, at least your not a fag’ or something. But he constantly got on us for not having kids and told me I owed him. Brendan hung up on him a lot.”
Amelie looks shocked “That;s awful on both counts. He thought you owed his son children? Like your dowry to his son was your fertility? How completely neanderthal. I’m glad Brendan didn’t take it from him.” She sighs “Ok maybe I haven’t been as terrible a parent as I sometimes feel like..” She laughs sardonically “How can anyone...i mean i know our parents are guilty too….I just don’t get it.”
Lisette nods. “Yes. I owed him children. Preferably sons, but I couldn’t even manage that.” she rolled her eyes. “You aren’t a bad mother, Ame. Our parents were. If nothing else you’re proof that not all Catholics suck.” she sighs and slumps a little. “I don’t know .. maybe I should have had vodka or something .. to help me sleep. I’m exhausted and yet ….”
Amelie looks sad and then self conscious “This discussion probably isn’t very soothing after your day. We’ve had wine, and pizza. I don’t think drinking more will help but maybe some herbal tea? I can make us some? Do you drink that? Mon dieu I don’t even know what kind of tea you like? We need to catch up and get to know one another as adults.” She walks into the kitchen and opens the pantry searching for tea but will take redirection if Lisette is not a tea drinker.
Lisette offers her sister a smile. “Just being with you is soothing, Amelie. I missed my sister so much.” she glances at the kitchen. “There’s herbal teas. Chamomile and I think that Sleepytime stuff.” she snorts. “I don’t have any of the good drugs. Melatonin that my doctor suggested before you arrived. I think I’ve had less than 12 hours of sleep since he died and that was … six days ago?”
Amelie spins and stares with the box of sleepytime in her hand now “Holy shit Lisette….pardon my English. How are you still sitting up straight? I understand this is all over the place for you. So you haven’t started using the melatonin yet? Sasha was never a great sleeper. We tried it on him for awhile. I don’t know if he’s still doing it...honestly his girlfriend got an apartment and I don’t think he sleep at our house much. He doesn’t think I hear him come in...but I do.” She laughs.
Lisette shrugs. “Adrenaline?” she sighs. “I wanted to get things done and I’ve been thinking. When he called to say goodbye, I called 911 … and let them in then I got there .. but I didn’t go in. I couldn’t go in.” she bites her lip. “I didn’t have to identify him … so the last memory of him I have is of his kissing me two nights before at the door of the house. Smiling and waving as I drove away. But I still see him when I close my eyes … I want to believe in ghosts. Or spirits. Maybe he will check in on me…” she blows out another breath. “Or I am having a sleep deprived psychotic episode.”
Amelie clicks the kettle to boil and finds a teapot to put the teabag in “I think it’s kinder to your heart that your last memory is happy, not his body without life in it. Hold onto the good parts.” She thinks “Maybe there are ghosts...I’ve always been a bit of a believer in that idea. I’ve never told Felix that because my crazy sounds crazy enough when I freak out...let’s not add paranoid about ghosts to the list. Mind you I’m not really paranoid. Remember we had that piano teacher Madame Tremblay? She was so ancient even when I was a kid. And then she died and her old house never sold. I think it’s still there. I could swear when I’d walk past it on the way home from school there was piano music going on inside.” She shrugs a bit and sets the tea to steep.
Lisette nods. “I agree. And I sort of hope and don’t hope.” she scoffs. “He always said if he died first he wanted me to marry again. Find a man with his shit together and love him. I’d have taken his bottle away from him, but he never said it to me drunk. So ….” she nods a little. “I remember her. Who knows … maybe there is. But it reminds me I need to sell the house. See .. always something to think about and do.”
Amelie smiles a bit “Well you might someday but today is not the day to think about any of that. There’s no rush. It’s your process. And there’s no pressure to ever do any of that. And for your house, just get a good agent and let them do it all. We had a good guy but it was a rural agency out of St. Malo….but they even coordinated with Alexandra. We bought that house for an insanely low price….and the town paid for our move. They really wanted a dental practice. And you can see it in the teeth…..I swear. I won’t disgust you with details. But it’s funny we’re in the same building as the eye doctor and he said similar. It’s an odd place. He and Felix are fast friends. Good work neighbour though and I’m glad for Felix. And his daughters are delightful, especially little Thea but I do like Paige too, and Aislin. There’s another younger than Paige, Iris. Paige...is Sasha’s girlfriend. Sorry I’m going on again. They’re madly in love I can see it. I was worried at first but it’s very sweet and they’re well matched. She sews. All the masks I’ve worn are hers.”
Lisette shrugs. “If I think about selling the house I don’t have to think of anything else.” she laughs about the town. “Weird … but at least you're making friends .. right?”
Amelie nods and pours them each a cup of sleepytime tea. She talks a bit more about her new home, about Colleen Reinhardt and the folks on the street. The wild women’s night with Sangria and fire. She sips her own tea feeling the chamomile and other herbs hit her full force as she sees Lisette snap her head up from drifting. At that she steers her little sister towards her own bed, hoping that sleep and comfort find her tonight. Amelie is bittersweet. So sad for Lisete and so happy to have her back in her life. She has to hit the road the next day but she knows that the distance can’t separate the bond between her and her sister now.
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