2020-05-02 - Lentils and Cornbread - Chris and Noelle
Chris Peterson walked towards Noelle’s house with a shopping bag that contained two containers of homemade lentil soup and a pan of cornbread. It was all vegan of course. He had changed into a plain grey tshirt and black jeans. A group of kids were kicking a soccer ball around and the ball went out of bounds to Chris. He couldn’t resist. He not only kicked it back but he ran into the game and scored one side a goal. These kids knew him and he had coached a few of them.
“Aww come on stay and play…” one of the boys pleaded.
“Sorry Ajay...I can’t today. But you’re up one now…...don’t forget to pass.” He pointed at him “Don’t hog it...I know you…” He teased.
Ajay ran off dribbling the ball towards the goal again.
As Chris was almost out of earshot he heard “Aww come on Ajay, pass already!”
Chris had taken a chance on bringing Noelle lunch without texting. Sometimes she tried to refuse….he would happily just drop the food and go. She could even freeze it. When he got to the door he texted though.
Hey Noelle, I’m here with lunch. I can leave it if you’re busy. It’s lentil and there's cornbread. I don’t want to wake the little dude if he’s down for a snooze.
Noelle was lounging on the daybed and reading her favorite cookbook for the millionth time. But it was relaxing and relaxing was what this day was supposed to be about. She hears her phone chime and puts the book aside to look at the text. Biting her lip, she remembers that she promised herself not to be such a bitch. Which meant not opening the door, effectively growling a thanks and closing the door in his face like she usually did when he decided to feed her and Blaze. So she took a deep breath and checked her button down blouse and long flowing comfy skirt and walked to the door. Opening the door wide, she smiled. “Thanks. Come on in … um .. the kitchen is there…” and she motioned towards the combination kitchen/dining area. The house was quiet and the doors were open. Blaze did not seem to be home.
Chris looked a little taken aback but smiled and took her in with a little blink “Thanks. You look amazing.” He walked towards the kitchen, glancing around, expecting to get taken out at the knees by his little buddy “Is he asleep? Like under a bed?” He laughs and sets down the food, beginning to unpack it.
Noelle snorts. “This is just as close to being naked as I can get without actually….” she cut herself off and backpedaled. “I mean … this is my most comfortable clothes for bumming around the house. But thank you.” He asks after Blaze and then starts unpacking the food. “No .. Daisy and I have a new deal now that the quarantine is over.” she explains. “I watch Olivia for a few hours while she spends time with Seamus, and then she takes Blaze while I spend a few hours alone.” she shrugs, taking bowls and plates out of the cupboards. Pausing she considers and brings out two more bowls, setting four on the table. Then she heads for the fridge. “I was going to have a salad for lunch .. it might go well with the soup.” she suggests and, before she can stop herself, she demures. “It’s got cashews in it, but I don’t have a blender so … I took out my aggression on them with a meat tenderiser earlier this morning. So .. don’t expect much.” and she brings it out and sets it on the table.
Chris’s pupils dilated when she said naked and he got a little stuck on that idea before he shook his head around and kept listening, his cheeks flushed. He cleared his throat and said “Seems like this time to yourself is helping you….maybe relax a little.” He smiles “I haven’t seen you this happy in…….” He doesn’t finish “I’ll happily eat your pulverized cashews. Thanks for sharing.” The soup was still warm enough so he just served it and then unwrapped the corn bread. They were eating lunch...together. He dared not hope too much but it was kind of miraculous.
Noelle sighed deeply, dishing out the salad. “Maybe. I haven’t taken time for me in … since before Blaze was born, really. Maybe longer.” then she snorts and finishes his sentence for him. “Forever?” she suggests. “Since I moved here? No .. since … 2016…” she shrugs again. “You’re welcome. I’m actually glad you came by. I wanted to … “ she looks like she’s at a bit of a loss. “Daisy and I … made up, I guess you’d say. Cleared the air and it’s just .. good to have a friend again.” she moves and gets spoons and forks and sets them down, then retrieves a couple of cloth napkins .. not fancy .. just how life forced them to be for years. “I’ve been … well .. a defensive little bitch for years now.” she picks up her spoon and stares into her soup. “Keeping people away from me. Trying to keep people away from Blaze. Not being close. Not giving anyone a chance to be nice, never mind hurt me.” she swallows. “And you were probably one of the kindest … so you kinda got the worst of it.” she blinks and clears her throat. “You didn’t deserve any of it .. and … I’m sorry.” she clears her throat again, but stears steadfastly into the lentil soup, like a naughty girl who is now awaiting a punishment.
Chris’s jaw just drops and he stares at her across the table for several minutes. And then he looks pained, swallows hard and walks over to her chair, dropping to a knee beside her with his arms open “Can I please just hug you? You don’t have to be sorry…..for anything...with me...like ever….Noelle…”
Noelle answers him with a nod and, if he puts his arms around her and hugs her, she will start to sob in his arms, hugging him back hard. “I do … I am .. I’m so sorry…” she tries to talk. It was one thing to be strong when they were sitting, but … she wanted his hug .. had wanted it for a long time and she couldn’t control her tears if she wanted to … and she wanted to. She hated being weak … it had caused her too much trouble in the past.
Chris just holds onto Noelle and lets her cry into him. He smooths her hair and comforts her when she struggles to talk “It’s ok…….If you need to hear the words...I forgive you ...completely …..even though I don’t feel like I need to…..seriously...it’s ok.” He sensed there were more layers to this than he could even understand. He knew snippets about Joey and the past but he had never gotten the full story. He knew it was bad with her family...but not the how.
Noelle cries for what feels like forever, but is only a minute or two. She blows out a breath and reluctantly pulls away from him. “Thanks.” she swallows, her face a mess. She doesn’t wear makeup. “I needed that. The hug, the cry, the forgiveness … all of it.” She sits up and takes her napkin and uses it as a hankerchief now, blowing her nose and dabbing her eyes. Then she stands to get another from the drawer she stores them in and finally returns to her seat. Another cleansing breath and… “Well …” she says almost as if she had been interrupted by a dropped fork and now all was right with the world. She tastes the soup and smiles. “Oh this is good…..” she proclaims and then sets the spoon back in the bowl. Glancing at him, she blows out yet another breath. “Um … that … you probably have .. questions, eh?” she knows she would. “About all of … that.” she licks her lips. “I’m … I’m willing to .. answer … and talk .. and .. stuff. Cause I know … I’d wonder .. so I’ll … I’ll …. Open up.” she looks ready to confess, if he wants to interrogate. But she also looks like she’s ready to talk to a friend .. and maybe fill in blanks that might make their odd friendship stronger.
Chris sits back on his heels and then rises to standing when she does with a single agile movement. He slowly walks back to his chair just watching her and then sits. “Noelle….you lead on this. I don’t want to push you. Tell me what you want to...but..yeah totally up to you…”
Noelle nods and goes back to her soup, taking another couple of spoonfuls, then reaches for the cornbread. It hasn’t been cut, so she stands yet again to get a knife and cut it into triangles. Finally she sits and acknowledges his words. “I don’t know how to lead, Chris.” she tells him. “But I’ll try.”. She begins to break the cornbread apart and nibble at it. “I guess it .. started … when I was trying to make friends in school. Alexandra Academy is so different from most schools and .. all the kids mixed up together. But I tried to be liked and I tried to be popular and..” she licks her lips and samples her own salad, and then, restlessly, stands yet again, getting out two cans of juice from her fridge. Again she sits, moving one to Chris and opening the other for herself and sipping. “Daisy was my best friend. And we shared everything. Mostly crushes on boys. I had one on you, you know .. it was my first year in school and your last, I think.” she chuckles softly. “But we shared crushes on Vincent … and .. “ she sighs deeply. “Joey Piccolo.” she blows out another breath and eats some more of the soup, taking a moment to collect her thoughts.
Chris takes the can with a quiet “Thanks.” but listens intently. He pointed a hand to himself with a little smile when she mentioned she had a crush on him, flattered and touched, hoping it lingered. He sighs and takes some corn bread to dip in his soup when she shifts to Vincent and Joey. Short lived crush on him..check.
“Well, with Vincent .. I saw what happened to Daisy when she tried to ask him out and decided I didn’t want that kind of embarrassment, so I never did.” she snorts. “That's my .. what is it called? M.O? I wait to see if it hurts someone else and if it does, I won’t make their mistake.” she half laughs. “Anyway, the next thing I knew she was dating Joey and seemed happy I guess. But with girls like us, at least back then, any attention was better than none.” she takes in more of her soup. “And then… that December .. the start of it … Joey asked me out. I couldn’t believe it. He was so popular and cute and.” she shakes her head, as if she still can’t believe it. “I mean it wasn’t like a REAL date. I’ve never ranked one of THOSE … but he invited me to hang out at his place and watch a movie or something.” she snorts in derision. “How stupid could I be?” she asks herself. “Anyway, the first date was my first kiss. The second he had his hand in my shirt and down my pants. Told me he was falling for me. And the third … “ she clears her throat again. “The third .. he took my virginity.” she sighs again, shaking her head and tearing into the cornbread. “At least he used a condom that time.”
Chris eats a bit and keeps listening. When she talks about the MO he wonders what kind of example he had set, not really dating anyone for more than 6 months himself. He had hurt people and been hurt but nothing like Joey. His jaw sets and he can’t eat any more. “Oh god Noelle…” He said in a pained voice. He hated Joey Piccolo right now.
“So we’re together all through December. He isn’t really taking me anyplace. Sometimes walks .. but mostly I knew he was with Daisy and she was my best friend and I was lying to her. But those weeks I was listening to Joey telling me he was going to break up with Daisy and be with me. He just had to find the right time to tell her about us.” she snorts with the wisdom of years. “And on New Years Eve I met him in White Rock and we walked around … and he told me he was almost ready to tell Daisy. After the holidays. Then he fucked me in his van without a condom. He said it would feel amazing. It didn’t.” She takes another break for salad and soup and drink.
He wipes casually at his face with his napkin as she goes on and then throws it down and rubs at his face “I’m sorry…..he was such an asshole I wish I had known…” Chris looks just sick about it all.
“I started not feeling real well like the end of January. That scared me cause it wasn’t all like the flu or a cold was. I was tired and throwing up and … I finally took a pregnancy test. Then I took another. Both positive. And no way I could tell my parents. So I didn’t tell anyone. In February … I saw what happened when Daisy told Joey that she was pregnant. I was close enough I heard all I needed to hear. And his reaction … like I said .. I let other people play in the streets .. and if they get run over … I don’t play on that street. So I didn’t tell him. I was four months pregnant and showing when Joey found out … he dragged me into the art classroom and when I told him I was pregnant, he knocked me into some easels.” her hand drifts to the twin scars on her forehead.
Chris’s hand slides from his forehead to over his mouth looking at her forehead and the scars. In his eyes there is fury and love and pain. “I almost wish I knew where he was...so I could fucking kill him…”
“So the rumors were all over school. May as well get it ALL out of the way .. so I told my parents. My Dad threw me out. Mom didn’t stop him. I wound up living with Miss Alvin.” she knows he knows who she is … everyone knows who she is.”I stayed with her until I graduated. Got the waitress gig at Zabats. And then my mother left my father and we moved here … me and mom.” she snorts a derisive laugh. “Turns out Mom was just looking to play Mother of the Year or something. She worked and came home and that was it. You remember .. when you and your brother helped with my garden...” she had wanted to do it herself, but Chris had pointed out how she just wasn’t strong enough. “Anyway … Blaze was born … the day before Olivia was ... and … I decided … never again would I let anyone close to me like Joey had been. I wasn’t going to open myself up to getting hurt like that by anyone .. never mind found, fucked, knocked up and forgotten again.” she clears her throat and finishes the soup. “Sorry … got kinda bitter there ….” she dabs at her lips. “And that's why I am the way I am. You’re a fucking saint to have put up ith it even half as long as you did.” and she sighs, her story done. Most of it. More than she’s told anyone since it all started. And for the pain of finally telling it, she actually felt better than she ever had. “You can run now. I won’t blame you...”
Chris shook his head about her family. He couldn’t believe her parents were so unloving and unsupportive. Chris shook his head reaching his hand out for hers to try and hold it “I’m no saint. You’ve been through literal hell. And I’m not going anywhere Noelle….I’m sorry. I wish I’d known sooner but thank you for trusting me with all of it...finally….”
Noelle had heard every word Chris had said, even if she missed his body posture and facial expressions for avoiding eye contact with him. “I have Blaze…” she says .. almost a stock answer. “And … don't be sorry. You’re welcome … I feel better now so … it’s I guess something I needed to get out of me.” she finally looks up and at him. “I wanted to talk … but I’m … I’m scared, Chris. You … “ she looks up at the ceiling. “God. How stupid am I? I can’t … you’re a good guy … you’d never … I’m an idiot. I’m not fucking thirteen anymore…” she growls and angrily stabs at the remains of her salad.
Chris looked a little confused and then almost hurt “I’d never what….” He clues in when she says not thirteen anymore “Noelle what is it you think I’d never do exactly? You said you had a crush on me when you were 13…” He forces himself to take a breath “Fuck Patrick would love this…..I have a hell of a lot more than a crush on you so if that’s where you’re going…” He trails off and now not only reaches for her hand but unless she refuses he’ll just try to take hers into his.
Noelle stares at him as he speaks. She inhales to tell him that, yes, she had a crush on him when she was 13 … but he was 18. Then he goes on and there is confusion when Patrick is brought up …. And then even more. Hell of a lot more than just a crush? When he takes her hand, it is trembling. “Chris.” she begins to cry again. “Your a good man .. from a good family .. with a good job and a good reputation.” she tells him. “I still get called slut and whore in the streets sometimes.” how Mrs Norris and her kind still exists she doesn't know. “My own father calls me that. You can’t … I mean … not me?” her lip trembles. “Please….” she whimpers. “This is just a dream….” it has to be. An insane dream she’ll wake from crying and horny .. not the best combination and not the first time she's fantasized about being with this man … having him care about her. But it's only a dream.
Chris can’t help but start to smile. He’s not happy she’s called horrible things but temporarily overwritten by the fact that she’s admitting to having feelings for him. He walks around to her chair again and sinks down beside her “Remind me to have a chat with your father. That’s not ok….and unless we’re both dreaming….Noelle…” He slides his arms around her again and presses his forehead to hers “I love you. And yes I mean you...” He laughs a little now.
Noelle watches him smile, and finally move. She almost says something about her father, but Chris doesn’t pause. His words … I love you … echo in her head and she can feel her head shaking in the negative. She can feel her head against his as she shakes it in denial. “You can’t….” she begins to cry. “You … you’re … a fantasy … just … a face and kind words when I ….” she swallows. “Feel lonely…” she pulls out less harsh words .. less crude .. less trashy .. as if that would make her less trashy.
Chris’s eyes are loving and then they pop a bit as she starts talking about him as a fantasy. He still hasn’t gotten over thinking about her naked from earlier in the conversation. He sits down onto the floor and gently tries to pull her right out of her chair into his lap. Looking at her he licks his lips “When you feel lonely?” The question is rhetorical really. He had hours of showers feeling lonely with Noelle as comfort. He answered his own question by leaning his face in towards hers “Can I kiss you?” After an asshole like Joey he was going to make sure she had every choice with him about every tiny little bit of consent.
Noelle allows herself to be pulled into his lap on her kitchen floor. She half laughs again. “Sorry … I was trying to be … you know .. Classy.” she sighs, having failed in that. When he asks if he can kiss her, she finally begins to nod. “Can .. can I … kiss you .. back?” She feels like this is something she's never done before … and in a way that's true. She hasn’t kissed anyone in literal years.
Chris finds her question funny “Yes please do...or that would be a little awkward for me….” Now he slides a hand up form around her and tilts her chin up as he moves his face in. His eyes close and his breath exhales softly and warmly on her as his lips catch hers gently, tendely. His arms wind tighter as his lips move on hers. His kiss is extremely sweet and loving but also has a bit of a slow burning fire behind it like he’s been holding back for years and he’s finally letting himself feel this fully.
Noelle kisses Chris back as best she can. As his kiss heats up, so does hers and she presses herself into him. Her insecurity tries to kick in, telling her she is doing something wrong … that others do it better … but she is able to ignore them. She doesn’t know if she is a good kisser or a bad kisser … only that this is a kiss she has wanted for years and it's finally happening. And she doesn’t want it to stop.
Chris gets lost in the kiss. It’s everything he dreamed of. Every little thing Noelle is doing feels so good and so right he gives a happy little grunt and keeps going, his hands running through her hair as he deepens it and slides his tongue in her mouth, hungry for more of her.
Noelle doesn’t know, or even care where she is. She is only aware of being where she wants to be. With Chris. Finally. But then, there is a flash of the past, as there often was with her. She wanted him. He loved her. And she loved him, even if she hadn’t said it aloud. Pulling back, even though that is the last thing she wants to do, she looks at him, panting. Feeling it is almost a stupid question, she asks it anyway. “Is it too soon? Am I making the same mistake?” she runs her hands along his shoulders. “Can I love you? I mean is it too soon? How long before I can tell you?” she feels like a stupid child.
Chris feels her pull back and almost physically protests like he’s pecking after her mouth as it moves away. More please. He can see she has something to say and tries to catch his breath and be present. Her words make him chuckle a bit and then he one of her hands from his shoulders and kisses it “Noelle, I’ve been waiting for you….hoping. If this is going too fast though I’ll back off. I love you. I really do. You don’t have to say it until you’re ready...or whatever. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty patient….”
Noelle hears him and the words make her happy … but always is that fear. “No .. it’s … I DO love you. I have .. for a long time. But you were just always … out of reach. I just …” she bites her lip. “I’ve never wanted anyone before you. And I’m afraid if we … you know … you’ll just think I’m a slut.” she kisses his cheek, close to his mouth. She’s only been with one man .. ever.
Chris melts when he hears her say she loves him and then looks overcome by emotion. He kisses her back on the lips but lightly and then pulls back to clarify something “Noelle you are not a slut. From everything you just told me, you’ve only been with Joey? I can’t believe how that label sticks to women from a guy like that. He’s the slut. Hell, compared to you, I’m a slut. I’ve slept with 4 women between high school and I don’t know like 2 years ago. In relationships but it’s a concept that makes no sense. Labelling people based on how much sex you percieve they’ve had and with who. It’s bullshit. The last thing I ever want to do, after Joey is make you feel pressured to have sex with me. If anything, I’m afraid…” He admits.
Noelle nods. “Only him. But … I guess when a girl is young and pregnant … people just … say stupid shit.” She listens to his track record and looks amazed. “So … like … you havent had sex in … 2 years?” not that she could really talk, as she’d had sex last around the time she got pregnant with her son. She kisses the corner of his mouth. “I DO want to have sex with you.” she murmurs and then pulls back, looking at him as if she can’t believe he would be afraid of anything. “YOU’RE afraid? Of what?”
Chris smiles a bit “Well I think for the last two years I’ve been falling in love with you….so I haven’t considered anyone but you.” He laughs a bit “and fair warning about the two years…” He shifts a little uncomfortably on the floor and then looks to the couch “Can we go sit over there? You can come right back into my lap…” He promises. “I’ve got to tell you something...about my family that’s been making me reflect on who I am as a man...to be honest...and how I’ve related to every woman I’ve ever known.”
Noelle nods slightly, thinking about the last two years … and then he reminds her that they are on the kitchen floor. The needing to tell her something sends an automatic thrill of fear through her, but she nods and, gathering her skirt, stands. “O … OK …” she offers him her hand and will lead him to the living room and the couch, which is actually a wrought iron daybed that she had traded for when she and her mother had moved into this apartment. She almost smiled, remembering that Chris had helped to bring it up the three flights of stairs. At the couch she nods and, if and when he sits, she will settle herself on his lap … as if she belonged there. She wants to belong there.
Chris wraps his arms back around Noelle and gives her a long hug, just burying his face in her hair once she’s in his lap. They could stay like this forever and he’d be happy but he has to tell her what he started to say. “This is private family business so I’m trusting you not to share it. A while ago…..someone hurt my sister Avery. A man that she worked with raped her. She’s not ok. I’m not sure she’ll ever be ok again. She stayed with my parents for a while while she healed physically and then she took a job out at the farm. She barely talks to us….my mom a bit more…..but we were all so close. I don’t know how to help her. And I fuckin want to kill the guy. I know people say that and don’t mean it. But i mean it. He took her from us even though she’s still here.” His eyes close and he turns his head, still leaning on Noelle but looking away.
Noelle nods when he asks her to keep his family secrets secret. And then he mentions his sister. It took her a moment to register the name. Avery. When she was in school, Aery was known as ‘that homeschooled girl’ and thought strange by a lot of the kids. But Chris telling her that Avery had been raped, brings a gasp from Noelle. That was not the hell she was familiar with and she couldn’t imagine it. When Chris looks away, she kisses his cheek and strokes his hair. “Go on, Chris.” She encourages him. “I’m listening.” she wants him to know she is here for him as he has been for her.
Chris turns back with tears running down his face and looks at Noelle with a sniff “Sorry I really was just bringing you lentil soup...not all this…” He wipes at his face and sniffs again “I know you don’t know her...but Avery is like this magical being. She would find the humour in the stupidest shit. She made us all laugh non stop from the time she could talk. I think she basically gave the family a sense of humour….Pat and I have this banter...I mean it’s a twin thing yeah but it got funnier once Avery was in the mix. I can’t explain it. We play these dumb card games together, the three of us…...I miss it. I miss her.” He sighs “And then it gets you overthinking the whole consent thing. Have I done it right with women? Have I somehow been part of the problem? I mean ok sorry for talking about someone else...but in high school….Melissa….this one time she told me no and I I said ok, of course. But then later...like hours later I started making out with her and she had sex with me. And now I’m terrified I somehow coerced her….I told myself her mood changed but now I question everything.” He shakes his head “So I’m going to ask you permission for every damned thing...Noelle...and you have to promise to say no to me if you don’t want something. Because I can’t be that guy...I can’t be Joey...or Jack….I can’t live with that idea….”
Noells can’t help but snort a short laugh. “Just remember it was me that apologized first and puked up my life story into your lap FIRST.” She reminds him. And then she listens. It sounds like Avery was a hell of a person. And then she listens to his story of Melissa and sighs. She doesn't get into how girls . or women .. can be hard to gauge. Instead she nods. “OK … I promise .. if I don’t want whatever you’re offering .. I’ll say no. But you have to keep on being the one who won’t let me drag heavy shit around cause I’ll hurt myself. Like the logs…” she caresses his cheek and looks into his eyes. “You’re not them, Chris. Maybe I am biased because I want to be yours so bad. I mean not in some slave way but yours …” she sighs. “Am I a bitch to be kinda glad you're sort of broken just like me?” she wonders.
Chris chuckles a bit and then does his best neanderthal voice “I will lift heavy things and make fire!” And then he softens to her “We’re all broken in some way.” He brushes his lips against hers and pulls back briefly “We can belong to each other…..” He says on an exhale and then has a practical query with a bit of a twinkle in his eye “How long does Daisy have Blaze?” He bites his lip as he waits for that answer.
Noelle giggles. “And don’t forget .. get things from the high shelves and kill bugs.” she piles onto his list. She smiles shyly. “Um … A couple more hours, I think…” she bites her lip. “Chris… Blaze .. Blaze adores you. I mean… ALL the kids adore you.” she realizes she has backpedaled and is finally getting a little annoyed at her own fear.
Chris can see they still have a lot to talk about and inwardly chastises his own libido so he can re-engage. He nods and looks earnestly at Noelle “I adore Blaze. He’s awesome. And yeah I do love kids in general. Kinda miss coaching still. Are you worried about how Blaze will react to me if…..” he hesitates but then just says it and the thought clearly makes him really happy “If I’m your boyfriend and not just an older buddy who wants to play trains?”
Noelle swallows. She knew he adored Blaze and considered his question. Boyfriend? Yes, please. “Well … of all the men in my life … I think he’d like you to be my boyfriend more than any other … and … I’d like that … too …” she blows out a breath and gathered her courage. “Chris … could we … I mean .. would it be alright … if we .. went out? Like .. on a date?” she’d never really had one before. “Maybe lunch or dinner at Sprouts?” it was the best option for them, as vegetarians. “And then come back here or go to your place and … you know …” she isn’t even sure how to phrase it. “Make .. you know.. Love .. or … whatever?” she strokes his arm. “I mean … right now .. we’ve had the lunch part and … Blaze isn’t here and … um … but .. you know … some other day?” she wonders if its this hard for other people .. dinner and sex .. movies and sex … dinner and a movie and sex. She glances down and notices something … “First tho … maybe .. take off your shoes?” she nods at his feet and then across the living room to the small pile of shoes … ladies and childs, by the door.
He nods at her about being her boyfriend “Yes please. I’ll get a tshirt made that says Noelle’s boyfriend so no one even dares to question it…” He jokes and then smiles about the date but also looks a little sad for her because he knew Joey had never taken her out anywhere. “Yeah we can go out...and then make love or whatever…” he quotes back to her with a little wink “Also I don’t expect sex just because I buy you dinner.” He’s not sure where she’s at with maybe making love today since she’s suggesting some future appointment as it were so he errs on the side of caution “I’m in no hurry Noelle. And to be honest I only have one old emergency condom in my wallet which might be expired. Pat gave it to me as a joke in a card on our birthday...so you know some planning would be smart…...about that….” When she looks at his shoes he sheepishly smiles “Holy shit I never forget that...I’m so sorry.” He gently lifts her to one side and walks to the shoe pile, adding his old trainers to the mix of her and Blaze’s shoes.
Noelle looks overjoyed at the idea of a Tshirt. “I want one .. well Chris’s girlfriend.” she pre-orders. Then she arches her brows. “What makes you think YOU are buying the dinner, Mister?” she asks him and then laughs at the joke condom. “If its less than five years old, it’s still good …. Or seven … I suppose it depends. But … maybe get some more … before that dinner because … I think I’d like to see that birthday condom….” when he moves to the pile of shoes to add his, she moves quietly behind him on her bare feet, so when he turns around, she is right there. She has a hand at the buttons of her blouse, ready to start unbuttoning…
The door opens and a familiar little voice calls. “Mama!” and then stops for half a beat. “Cis! Cis! Cis!” Blaze is back, abandoning Daisy and Olivia at the door to run full speed into the apartment … surpassing her mother, who he saw this morning for Chris, who he hasn’t seen in a little bit .. an eternity for a two year old. He crashes into Chris’s legs, hugging one as if he’ll never let go.
Noelle watches this and steps back with a small grin. “Well … I see where I stand .. over here.” she jokes and looks at Daisy and Olivia with a refreshed happy smile.
Chris had heard Noelle’s words and then was ready to literally sprint to the couch and check the date on his emergency condom with plans to find every other way to please her regardless of it’s date. He had been fighting a raging hard on since she said the word naked hours ago and was immensely glad the cut of these particular jeans and how things were positioned didn’t make that as obvious as it could be. That part of life as a male was sometimes less than convenient. As he turns he sees Noelle right there, her hands near her buttons and before he can even kiss her the door opens and the kid runs in and barrels into his leg. Chris of course just shifts gears. This was life with kids around and he accepted it. He reached down and ruffled Blaze’s hair “Hey buddy..” And then by lifting his leg and picking Blaze up with both arms he hoisted him into the air “Crane’s going up…” He started making machine noises. It was a game they’d played before. He gave Daisy and Olivia a grin and a nod as he pretended to shift the crane arm holding Blaze as he walked to gently drop him onto the daybed. Yeah he could do this...be her boyfriend and be there for this giggling little boy who was trying his best to climb right back on him. In a moment Olivia might pile on too because that’s just what kids did to Chris. He loved it and somehow they knew. He also loved Noelle and now thankfully, she knew.
Chris Peterson walked towards Noelle’s house with a shopping bag that contained two containers of homemade lentil soup and a pan of cornbread. It was all vegan of course. He had changed into a plain grey tshirt and black jeans. A group of kids were kicking a soccer ball around and the ball went out of bounds to Chris. He couldn’t resist. He not only kicked it back but he ran into the game and scored one side a goal. These kids knew him and he had coached a few of them.
“Aww come on stay and play…” one of the boys pleaded.
“Sorry Ajay...I can’t today. But you’re up one now…...don’t forget to pass.” He pointed at him “Don’t hog it...I know you…” He teased.
Ajay ran off dribbling the ball towards the goal again.
As Chris was almost out of earshot he heard “Aww come on Ajay, pass already!”
Chris had taken a chance on bringing Noelle lunch without texting. Sometimes she tried to refuse….he would happily just drop the food and go. She could even freeze it. When he got to the door he texted though.
Hey Noelle, I’m here with lunch. I can leave it if you’re busy. It’s lentil and there's cornbread. I don’t want to wake the little dude if he’s down for a snooze.
Noelle was lounging on the daybed and reading her favorite cookbook for the millionth time. But it was relaxing and relaxing was what this day was supposed to be about. She hears her phone chime and puts the book aside to look at the text. Biting her lip, she remembers that she promised herself not to be such a bitch. Which meant not opening the door, effectively growling a thanks and closing the door in his face like she usually did when he decided to feed her and Blaze. So she took a deep breath and checked her button down blouse and long flowing comfy skirt and walked to the door. Opening the door wide, she smiled. “Thanks. Come on in … um .. the kitchen is there…” and she motioned towards the combination kitchen/dining area. The house was quiet and the doors were open. Blaze did not seem to be home.
Chris looked a little taken aback but smiled and took her in with a little blink “Thanks. You look amazing.” He walked towards the kitchen, glancing around, expecting to get taken out at the knees by his little buddy “Is he asleep? Like under a bed?” He laughs and sets down the food, beginning to unpack it.
Noelle snorts. “This is just as close to being naked as I can get without actually….” she cut herself off and backpedaled. “I mean … this is my most comfortable clothes for bumming around the house. But thank you.” He asks after Blaze and then starts unpacking the food. “No .. Daisy and I have a new deal now that the quarantine is over.” she explains. “I watch Olivia for a few hours while she spends time with Seamus, and then she takes Blaze while I spend a few hours alone.” she shrugs, taking bowls and plates out of the cupboards. Pausing she considers and brings out two more bowls, setting four on the table. Then she heads for the fridge. “I was going to have a salad for lunch .. it might go well with the soup.” she suggests and, before she can stop herself, she demures. “It’s got cashews in it, but I don’t have a blender so … I took out my aggression on them with a meat tenderiser earlier this morning. So .. don’t expect much.” and she brings it out and sets it on the table.
Chris’s pupils dilated when she said naked and he got a little stuck on that idea before he shook his head around and kept listening, his cheeks flushed. He cleared his throat and said “Seems like this time to yourself is helping you….maybe relax a little.” He smiles “I haven’t seen you this happy in…….” He doesn’t finish “I’ll happily eat your pulverized cashews. Thanks for sharing.” The soup was still warm enough so he just served it and then unwrapped the corn bread. They were eating lunch...together. He dared not hope too much but it was kind of miraculous.
Noelle sighed deeply, dishing out the salad. “Maybe. I haven’t taken time for me in … since before Blaze was born, really. Maybe longer.” then she snorts and finishes his sentence for him. “Forever?” she suggests. “Since I moved here? No .. since … 2016…” she shrugs again. “You’re welcome. I’m actually glad you came by. I wanted to … “ she looks like she’s at a bit of a loss. “Daisy and I … made up, I guess you’d say. Cleared the air and it’s just .. good to have a friend again.” she moves and gets spoons and forks and sets them down, then retrieves a couple of cloth napkins .. not fancy .. just how life forced them to be for years. “I’ve been … well .. a defensive little bitch for years now.” she picks up her spoon and stares into her soup. “Keeping people away from me. Trying to keep people away from Blaze. Not being close. Not giving anyone a chance to be nice, never mind hurt me.” she swallows. “And you were probably one of the kindest … so you kinda got the worst of it.” she blinks and clears her throat. “You didn’t deserve any of it .. and … I’m sorry.” she clears her throat again, but stears steadfastly into the lentil soup, like a naughty girl who is now awaiting a punishment.
Chris’s jaw just drops and he stares at her across the table for several minutes. And then he looks pained, swallows hard and walks over to her chair, dropping to a knee beside her with his arms open “Can I please just hug you? You don’t have to be sorry…..for anything...with me...like ever….Noelle…”
Noelle answers him with a nod and, if he puts his arms around her and hugs her, she will start to sob in his arms, hugging him back hard. “I do … I am .. I’m so sorry…” she tries to talk. It was one thing to be strong when they were sitting, but … she wanted his hug .. had wanted it for a long time and she couldn’t control her tears if she wanted to … and she wanted to. She hated being weak … it had caused her too much trouble in the past.
Chris just holds onto Noelle and lets her cry into him. He smooths her hair and comforts her when she struggles to talk “It’s ok…….If you need to hear the words...I forgive you ...completely …..even though I don’t feel like I need to…..seriously...it’s ok.” He sensed there were more layers to this than he could even understand. He knew snippets about Joey and the past but he had never gotten the full story. He knew it was bad with her family...but not the how.
Noelle cries for what feels like forever, but is only a minute or two. She blows out a breath and reluctantly pulls away from him. “Thanks.” she swallows, her face a mess. She doesn’t wear makeup. “I needed that. The hug, the cry, the forgiveness … all of it.” She sits up and takes her napkin and uses it as a hankerchief now, blowing her nose and dabbing her eyes. Then she stands to get another from the drawer she stores them in and finally returns to her seat. Another cleansing breath and… “Well …” she says almost as if she had been interrupted by a dropped fork and now all was right with the world. She tastes the soup and smiles. “Oh this is good…..” she proclaims and then sets the spoon back in the bowl. Glancing at him, she blows out yet another breath. “Um … that … you probably have .. questions, eh?” she knows she would. “About all of … that.” she licks her lips. “I’m … I’m willing to .. answer … and talk .. and .. stuff. Cause I know … I’d wonder .. so I’ll … I’ll …. Open up.” she looks ready to confess, if he wants to interrogate. But she also looks like she’s ready to talk to a friend .. and maybe fill in blanks that might make their odd friendship stronger.
Chris sits back on his heels and then rises to standing when she does with a single agile movement. He slowly walks back to his chair just watching her and then sits. “Noelle….you lead on this. I don’t want to push you. Tell me what you want to...but..yeah totally up to you…”
Noelle nods and goes back to her soup, taking another couple of spoonfuls, then reaches for the cornbread. It hasn’t been cut, so she stands yet again to get a knife and cut it into triangles. Finally she sits and acknowledges his words. “I don’t know how to lead, Chris.” she tells him. “But I’ll try.”. She begins to break the cornbread apart and nibble at it. “I guess it .. started … when I was trying to make friends in school. Alexandra Academy is so different from most schools and .. all the kids mixed up together. But I tried to be liked and I tried to be popular and..” she licks her lips and samples her own salad, and then, restlessly, stands yet again, getting out two cans of juice from her fridge. Again she sits, moving one to Chris and opening the other for herself and sipping. “Daisy was my best friend. And we shared everything. Mostly crushes on boys. I had one on you, you know .. it was my first year in school and your last, I think.” she chuckles softly. “But we shared crushes on Vincent … and .. “ she sighs deeply. “Joey Piccolo.” she blows out another breath and eats some more of the soup, taking a moment to collect her thoughts.
Chris takes the can with a quiet “Thanks.” but listens intently. He pointed a hand to himself with a little smile when she mentioned she had a crush on him, flattered and touched, hoping it lingered. He sighs and takes some corn bread to dip in his soup when she shifts to Vincent and Joey. Short lived crush on him..check.
“Well, with Vincent .. I saw what happened to Daisy when she tried to ask him out and decided I didn’t want that kind of embarrassment, so I never did.” she snorts. “That's my .. what is it called? M.O? I wait to see if it hurts someone else and if it does, I won’t make their mistake.” she half laughs. “Anyway, the next thing I knew she was dating Joey and seemed happy I guess. But with girls like us, at least back then, any attention was better than none.” she takes in more of her soup. “And then… that December .. the start of it … Joey asked me out. I couldn’t believe it. He was so popular and cute and.” she shakes her head, as if she still can’t believe it. “I mean it wasn’t like a REAL date. I’ve never ranked one of THOSE … but he invited me to hang out at his place and watch a movie or something.” she snorts in derision. “How stupid could I be?” she asks herself. “Anyway, the first date was my first kiss. The second he had his hand in my shirt and down my pants. Told me he was falling for me. And the third … “ she clears her throat again. “The third .. he took my virginity.” she sighs again, shaking her head and tearing into the cornbread. “At least he used a condom that time.”
Chris eats a bit and keeps listening. When she talks about the MO he wonders what kind of example he had set, not really dating anyone for more than 6 months himself. He had hurt people and been hurt but nothing like Joey. His jaw sets and he can’t eat any more. “Oh god Noelle…” He said in a pained voice. He hated Joey Piccolo right now.
“So we’re together all through December. He isn’t really taking me anyplace. Sometimes walks .. but mostly I knew he was with Daisy and she was my best friend and I was lying to her. But those weeks I was listening to Joey telling me he was going to break up with Daisy and be with me. He just had to find the right time to tell her about us.” she snorts with the wisdom of years. “And on New Years Eve I met him in White Rock and we walked around … and he told me he was almost ready to tell Daisy. After the holidays. Then he fucked me in his van without a condom. He said it would feel amazing. It didn’t.” She takes another break for salad and soup and drink.
He wipes casually at his face with his napkin as she goes on and then throws it down and rubs at his face “I’m sorry…..he was such an asshole I wish I had known…” Chris looks just sick about it all.
“I started not feeling real well like the end of January. That scared me cause it wasn’t all like the flu or a cold was. I was tired and throwing up and … I finally took a pregnancy test. Then I took another. Both positive. And no way I could tell my parents. So I didn’t tell anyone. In February … I saw what happened when Daisy told Joey that she was pregnant. I was close enough I heard all I needed to hear. And his reaction … like I said .. I let other people play in the streets .. and if they get run over … I don’t play on that street. So I didn’t tell him. I was four months pregnant and showing when Joey found out … he dragged me into the art classroom and when I told him I was pregnant, he knocked me into some easels.” her hand drifts to the twin scars on her forehead.
Chris’s hand slides from his forehead to over his mouth looking at her forehead and the scars. In his eyes there is fury and love and pain. “I almost wish I knew where he was...so I could fucking kill him…”
“So the rumors were all over school. May as well get it ALL out of the way .. so I told my parents. My Dad threw me out. Mom didn’t stop him. I wound up living with Miss Alvin.” she knows he knows who she is … everyone knows who she is.”I stayed with her until I graduated. Got the waitress gig at Zabats. And then my mother left my father and we moved here … me and mom.” she snorts a derisive laugh. “Turns out Mom was just looking to play Mother of the Year or something. She worked and came home and that was it. You remember .. when you and your brother helped with my garden...” she had wanted to do it herself, but Chris had pointed out how she just wasn’t strong enough. “Anyway … Blaze was born … the day before Olivia was ... and … I decided … never again would I let anyone close to me like Joey had been. I wasn’t going to open myself up to getting hurt like that by anyone .. never mind found, fucked, knocked up and forgotten again.” she clears her throat and finishes the soup. “Sorry … got kinda bitter there ….” she dabs at her lips. “And that's why I am the way I am. You’re a fucking saint to have put up ith it even half as long as you did.” and she sighs, her story done. Most of it. More than she’s told anyone since it all started. And for the pain of finally telling it, she actually felt better than she ever had. “You can run now. I won’t blame you...”
Chris shook his head about her family. He couldn’t believe her parents were so unloving and unsupportive. Chris shook his head reaching his hand out for hers to try and hold it “I’m no saint. You’ve been through literal hell. And I’m not going anywhere Noelle….I’m sorry. I wish I’d known sooner but thank you for trusting me with all of it...finally….”
Noelle had heard every word Chris had said, even if she missed his body posture and facial expressions for avoiding eye contact with him. “I have Blaze…” she says .. almost a stock answer. “And … don't be sorry. You’re welcome … I feel better now so … it’s I guess something I needed to get out of me.” she finally looks up and at him. “I wanted to talk … but I’m … I’m scared, Chris. You … “ she looks up at the ceiling. “God. How stupid am I? I can’t … you’re a good guy … you’d never … I’m an idiot. I’m not fucking thirteen anymore…” she growls and angrily stabs at the remains of her salad.
Chris looked a little confused and then almost hurt “I’d never what….” He clues in when she says not thirteen anymore “Noelle what is it you think I’d never do exactly? You said you had a crush on me when you were 13…” He forces himself to take a breath “Fuck Patrick would love this…..I have a hell of a lot more than a crush on you so if that’s where you’re going…” He trails off and now not only reaches for her hand but unless she refuses he’ll just try to take hers into his.
Noelle stares at him as he speaks. She inhales to tell him that, yes, she had a crush on him when she was 13 … but he was 18. Then he goes on and there is confusion when Patrick is brought up …. And then even more. Hell of a lot more than just a crush? When he takes her hand, it is trembling. “Chris.” she begins to cry again. “Your a good man .. from a good family .. with a good job and a good reputation.” she tells him. “I still get called slut and whore in the streets sometimes.” how Mrs Norris and her kind still exists she doesn't know. “My own father calls me that. You can’t … I mean … not me?” her lip trembles. “Please….” she whimpers. “This is just a dream….” it has to be. An insane dream she’ll wake from crying and horny .. not the best combination and not the first time she's fantasized about being with this man … having him care about her. But it's only a dream.
Chris can’t help but start to smile. He’s not happy she’s called horrible things but temporarily overwritten by the fact that she’s admitting to having feelings for him. He walks around to her chair again and sinks down beside her “Remind me to have a chat with your father. That’s not ok….and unless we’re both dreaming….Noelle…” He slides his arms around her again and presses his forehead to hers “I love you. And yes I mean you...” He laughs a little now.
Noelle watches him smile, and finally move. She almost says something about her father, but Chris doesn’t pause. His words … I love you … echo in her head and she can feel her head shaking in the negative. She can feel her head against his as she shakes it in denial. “You can’t….” she begins to cry. “You … you’re … a fantasy … just … a face and kind words when I ….” she swallows. “Feel lonely…” she pulls out less harsh words .. less crude .. less trashy .. as if that would make her less trashy.
Chris’s eyes are loving and then they pop a bit as she starts talking about him as a fantasy. He still hasn’t gotten over thinking about her naked from earlier in the conversation. He sits down onto the floor and gently tries to pull her right out of her chair into his lap. Looking at her he licks his lips “When you feel lonely?” The question is rhetorical really. He had hours of showers feeling lonely with Noelle as comfort. He answered his own question by leaning his face in towards hers “Can I kiss you?” After an asshole like Joey he was going to make sure she had every choice with him about every tiny little bit of consent.
Noelle allows herself to be pulled into his lap on her kitchen floor. She half laughs again. “Sorry … I was trying to be … you know .. Classy.” she sighs, having failed in that. When he asks if he can kiss her, she finally begins to nod. “Can .. can I … kiss you .. back?” She feels like this is something she's never done before … and in a way that's true. She hasn’t kissed anyone in literal years.
Chris finds her question funny “Yes please do...or that would be a little awkward for me….” Now he slides a hand up form around her and tilts her chin up as he moves his face in. His eyes close and his breath exhales softly and warmly on her as his lips catch hers gently, tendely. His arms wind tighter as his lips move on hers. His kiss is extremely sweet and loving but also has a bit of a slow burning fire behind it like he’s been holding back for years and he’s finally letting himself feel this fully.
Noelle kisses Chris back as best she can. As his kiss heats up, so does hers and she presses herself into him. Her insecurity tries to kick in, telling her she is doing something wrong … that others do it better … but she is able to ignore them. She doesn’t know if she is a good kisser or a bad kisser … only that this is a kiss she has wanted for years and it's finally happening. And she doesn’t want it to stop.
Chris gets lost in the kiss. It’s everything he dreamed of. Every little thing Noelle is doing feels so good and so right he gives a happy little grunt and keeps going, his hands running through her hair as he deepens it and slides his tongue in her mouth, hungry for more of her.
Noelle doesn’t know, or even care where she is. She is only aware of being where she wants to be. With Chris. Finally. But then, there is a flash of the past, as there often was with her. She wanted him. He loved her. And she loved him, even if she hadn’t said it aloud. Pulling back, even though that is the last thing she wants to do, she looks at him, panting. Feeling it is almost a stupid question, she asks it anyway. “Is it too soon? Am I making the same mistake?” she runs her hands along his shoulders. “Can I love you? I mean is it too soon? How long before I can tell you?” she feels like a stupid child.
Chris feels her pull back and almost physically protests like he’s pecking after her mouth as it moves away. More please. He can see she has something to say and tries to catch his breath and be present. Her words make him chuckle a bit and then he one of her hands from his shoulders and kisses it “Noelle, I’ve been waiting for you….hoping. If this is going too fast though I’ll back off. I love you. I really do. You don’t have to say it until you’re ready...or whatever. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty patient….”
Noelle hears him and the words make her happy … but always is that fear. “No .. it’s … I DO love you. I have .. for a long time. But you were just always … out of reach. I just …” she bites her lip. “I’ve never wanted anyone before you. And I’m afraid if we … you know … you’ll just think I’m a slut.” she kisses his cheek, close to his mouth. She’s only been with one man .. ever.
Chris melts when he hears her say she loves him and then looks overcome by emotion. He kisses her back on the lips but lightly and then pulls back to clarify something “Noelle you are not a slut. From everything you just told me, you’ve only been with Joey? I can’t believe how that label sticks to women from a guy like that. He’s the slut. Hell, compared to you, I’m a slut. I’ve slept with 4 women between high school and I don’t know like 2 years ago. In relationships but it’s a concept that makes no sense. Labelling people based on how much sex you percieve they’ve had and with who. It’s bullshit. The last thing I ever want to do, after Joey is make you feel pressured to have sex with me. If anything, I’m afraid…” He admits.
Noelle nods. “Only him. But … I guess when a girl is young and pregnant … people just … say stupid shit.” She listens to his track record and looks amazed. “So … like … you havent had sex in … 2 years?” not that she could really talk, as she’d had sex last around the time she got pregnant with her son. She kisses the corner of his mouth. “I DO want to have sex with you.” she murmurs and then pulls back, looking at him as if she can’t believe he would be afraid of anything. “YOU’RE afraid? Of what?”
Chris smiles a bit “Well I think for the last two years I’ve been falling in love with you….so I haven’t considered anyone but you.” He laughs a bit “and fair warning about the two years…” He shifts a little uncomfortably on the floor and then looks to the couch “Can we go sit over there? You can come right back into my lap…” He promises. “I’ve got to tell you something...about my family that’s been making me reflect on who I am as a man...to be honest...and how I’ve related to every woman I’ve ever known.”
Noelle nods slightly, thinking about the last two years … and then he reminds her that they are on the kitchen floor. The needing to tell her something sends an automatic thrill of fear through her, but she nods and, gathering her skirt, stands. “O … OK …” she offers him her hand and will lead him to the living room and the couch, which is actually a wrought iron daybed that she had traded for when she and her mother had moved into this apartment. She almost smiled, remembering that Chris had helped to bring it up the three flights of stairs. At the couch she nods and, if and when he sits, she will settle herself on his lap … as if she belonged there. She wants to belong there.
Chris wraps his arms back around Noelle and gives her a long hug, just burying his face in her hair once she’s in his lap. They could stay like this forever and he’d be happy but he has to tell her what he started to say. “This is private family business so I’m trusting you not to share it. A while ago…..someone hurt my sister Avery. A man that she worked with raped her. She’s not ok. I’m not sure she’ll ever be ok again. She stayed with my parents for a while while she healed physically and then she took a job out at the farm. She barely talks to us….my mom a bit more…..but we were all so close. I don’t know how to help her. And I fuckin want to kill the guy. I know people say that and don’t mean it. But i mean it. He took her from us even though she’s still here.” His eyes close and he turns his head, still leaning on Noelle but looking away.
Noelle nods when he asks her to keep his family secrets secret. And then he mentions his sister. It took her a moment to register the name. Avery. When she was in school, Aery was known as ‘that homeschooled girl’ and thought strange by a lot of the kids. But Chris telling her that Avery had been raped, brings a gasp from Noelle. That was not the hell she was familiar with and she couldn’t imagine it. When Chris looks away, she kisses his cheek and strokes his hair. “Go on, Chris.” She encourages him. “I’m listening.” she wants him to know she is here for him as he has been for her.
Chris turns back with tears running down his face and looks at Noelle with a sniff “Sorry I really was just bringing you lentil soup...not all this…” He wipes at his face and sniffs again “I know you don’t know her...but Avery is like this magical being. She would find the humour in the stupidest shit. She made us all laugh non stop from the time she could talk. I think she basically gave the family a sense of humour….Pat and I have this banter...I mean it’s a twin thing yeah but it got funnier once Avery was in the mix. I can’t explain it. We play these dumb card games together, the three of us…...I miss it. I miss her.” He sighs “And then it gets you overthinking the whole consent thing. Have I done it right with women? Have I somehow been part of the problem? I mean ok sorry for talking about someone else...but in high school….Melissa….this one time she told me no and I I said ok, of course. But then later...like hours later I started making out with her and she had sex with me. And now I’m terrified I somehow coerced her….I told myself her mood changed but now I question everything.” He shakes his head “So I’m going to ask you permission for every damned thing...Noelle...and you have to promise to say no to me if you don’t want something. Because I can’t be that guy...I can’t be Joey...or Jack….I can’t live with that idea….”
Noells can’t help but snort a short laugh. “Just remember it was me that apologized first and puked up my life story into your lap FIRST.” She reminds him. And then she listens. It sounds like Avery was a hell of a person. And then she listens to his story of Melissa and sighs. She doesn't get into how girls . or women .. can be hard to gauge. Instead she nods. “OK … I promise .. if I don’t want whatever you’re offering .. I’ll say no. But you have to keep on being the one who won’t let me drag heavy shit around cause I’ll hurt myself. Like the logs…” she caresses his cheek and looks into his eyes. “You’re not them, Chris. Maybe I am biased because I want to be yours so bad. I mean not in some slave way but yours …” she sighs. “Am I a bitch to be kinda glad you're sort of broken just like me?” she wonders.
Chris chuckles a bit and then does his best neanderthal voice “I will lift heavy things and make fire!” And then he softens to her “We’re all broken in some way.” He brushes his lips against hers and pulls back briefly “We can belong to each other…..” He says on an exhale and then has a practical query with a bit of a twinkle in his eye “How long does Daisy have Blaze?” He bites his lip as he waits for that answer.
Noelle giggles. “And don’t forget .. get things from the high shelves and kill bugs.” she piles onto his list. She smiles shyly. “Um … A couple more hours, I think…” she bites her lip. “Chris… Blaze .. Blaze adores you. I mean… ALL the kids adore you.” she realizes she has backpedaled and is finally getting a little annoyed at her own fear.
Chris can see they still have a lot to talk about and inwardly chastises his own libido so he can re-engage. He nods and looks earnestly at Noelle “I adore Blaze. He’s awesome. And yeah I do love kids in general. Kinda miss coaching still. Are you worried about how Blaze will react to me if…..” he hesitates but then just says it and the thought clearly makes him really happy “If I’m your boyfriend and not just an older buddy who wants to play trains?”
Noelle swallows. She knew he adored Blaze and considered his question. Boyfriend? Yes, please. “Well … of all the men in my life … I think he’d like you to be my boyfriend more than any other … and … I’d like that … too …” she blows out a breath and gathered her courage. “Chris … could we … I mean .. would it be alright … if we .. went out? Like .. on a date?” she’d never really had one before. “Maybe lunch or dinner at Sprouts?” it was the best option for them, as vegetarians. “And then come back here or go to your place and … you know …” she isn’t even sure how to phrase it. “Make .. you know.. Love .. or … whatever?” she strokes his arm. “I mean … right now .. we’ve had the lunch part and … Blaze isn’t here and … um … but .. you know … some other day?” she wonders if its this hard for other people .. dinner and sex .. movies and sex … dinner and a movie and sex. She glances down and notices something … “First tho … maybe .. take off your shoes?” she nods at his feet and then across the living room to the small pile of shoes … ladies and childs, by the door.
He nods at her about being her boyfriend “Yes please. I’ll get a tshirt made that says Noelle’s boyfriend so no one even dares to question it…” He jokes and then smiles about the date but also looks a little sad for her because he knew Joey had never taken her out anywhere. “Yeah we can go out...and then make love or whatever…” he quotes back to her with a little wink “Also I don’t expect sex just because I buy you dinner.” He’s not sure where she’s at with maybe making love today since she’s suggesting some future appointment as it were so he errs on the side of caution “I’m in no hurry Noelle. And to be honest I only have one old emergency condom in my wallet which might be expired. Pat gave it to me as a joke in a card on our birthday...so you know some planning would be smart…...about that….” When she looks at his shoes he sheepishly smiles “Holy shit I never forget that...I’m so sorry.” He gently lifts her to one side and walks to the shoe pile, adding his old trainers to the mix of her and Blaze’s shoes.
Noelle looks overjoyed at the idea of a Tshirt. “I want one .. well Chris’s girlfriend.” she pre-orders. Then she arches her brows. “What makes you think YOU are buying the dinner, Mister?” she asks him and then laughs at the joke condom. “If its less than five years old, it’s still good …. Or seven … I suppose it depends. But … maybe get some more … before that dinner because … I think I’d like to see that birthday condom….” when he moves to the pile of shoes to add his, she moves quietly behind him on her bare feet, so when he turns around, she is right there. She has a hand at the buttons of her blouse, ready to start unbuttoning…
The door opens and a familiar little voice calls. “Mama!” and then stops for half a beat. “Cis! Cis! Cis!” Blaze is back, abandoning Daisy and Olivia at the door to run full speed into the apartment … surpassing her mother, who he saw this morning for Chris, who he hasn’t seen in a little bit .. an eternity for a two year old. He crashes into Chris’s legs, hugging one as if he’ll never let go.
Noelle watches this and steps back with a small grin. “Well … I see where I stand .. over here.” she jokes and looks at Daisy and Olivia with a refreshed happy smile.
Chris had heard Noelle’s words and then was ready to literally sprint to the couch and check the date on his emergency condom with plans to find every other way to please her regardless of it’s date. He had been fighting a raging hard on since she said the word naked hours ago and was immensely glad the cut of these particular jeans and how things were positioned didn’t make that as obvious as it could be. That part of life as a male was sometimes less than convenient. As he turns he sees Noelle right there, her hands near her buttons and before he can even kiss her the door opens and the kid runs in and barrels into his leg. Chris of course just shifts gears. This was life with kids around and he accepted it. He reached down and ruffled Blaze’s hair “Hey buddy..” And then by lifting his leg and picking Blaze up with both arms he hoisted him into the air “Crane’s going up…” He started making machine noises. It was a game they’d played before. He gave Daisy and Olivia a grin and a nod as he pretended to shift the crane arm holding Blaze as he walked to gently drop him onto the daybed. Yeah he could do this...be her boyfriend and be there for this giggling little boy who was trying his best to climb right back on him. In a moment Olivia might pile on too because that’s just what kids did to Chris. He loved it and somehow they knew. He also loved Noelle and now thankfully, she knew.
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