Gareth Dunham was home but it didn’t feel like home today. It felt like shit. He felt like shit. He walked in the door of Michelle Kim’s house where he boarded with Michelle and Brayden close behind him. They had both come to walk him home which made him feel both sorry for himself and infantile. He knew they meant well. He just didn’t know how to be yet. Michelle had brought him some clean comfortable clothes from his room; his old white Canadian Red Cross t-shirt and some comfortable blue jeans, but he was still unshowered and unshaven. His hair was completely disgusting now after a week of refusing washes. He just didn’t care. Gareth kicks off his shoes into the coat hook area and steps down the hall so the others can. The two of them were walking on eggshells around him and he could tell.
Brayden passed Gareth on his way to the kitchen “Hey man, do you want a drink? We’re going to make Kung Pao Chicken tonight but we need to prep it.” Brayden had suggested it to his mom because it was Gareth’s favourite Chinese dish they made. He looked hopeful that offerings of food and drink might make him a little happy but Gareth just nodded at him impassively.
Michelle walked up beside Gareth “Hey I just put in that new showerhead if you want to grab a shower before upper?” She suggested taking in his hair and the unusual amount of BO coming off him.
Gareth scoffed “I fuckin stink that bad?”
Brayden craned his head around the kitchen island now as he started plunking down ingredients “A little…” He said cautiously.
Michelle sighed “It might feel nice...relaxing even?” And he really did smell.
“All I’ve done for a week is sit my sorry ass down in a bed. But fuck you both very much….” Gareth stalked off upstairs in the direction of the bathroom and the door slammed behind him. However a few minutes later the sound of the shower could be heard.
Brayden tiptoed closer to the base of the stairs “Well...least he’s showering? I’ve never seen him like this Mom.”
Michelle sighed “Yeah Jasmine was bad..but this is worse.” She puts her arm around Brayden “He doesn’t mean it. You know that?”
Brayden nodded “I do...it’s just hard to watch him. We’ve got to help him somehow.” He had also been struggling with his own trauma but focussing on Gareth’s felt easier somehow. He looked determinedly up the stairs and then went into the kitchen and decided to make the best Kung Pao Chicken the island had ever seen.
Michelle looked between her son and the stairs. Now she had two people in trauma in the house and she hoped they could all weather it. She heard the sound of the shower shutting off and then Gareth moving around. A minute later his bedroom door closed and locked. She cringed. She had meant to take off that lock before he got home. There hadn't been any suggestion of suicidal thoughts or behaviour but Lydia had warned her that when he was in crisis was a young person he would sometimes self harm. Michelle clenched her jaw and went to her tools in the dining room still all laid out from her drywall patching where she had taken out some built in shelving. She picked up her cordless drill and stalked off upstairs.
Brayden saw her go by while he was grabbing the sesame oil “Mom...what are you doing?” He followed behind her.
Michelle just held up the drill and revved it as her answer and then made a beeline for Gareth’s door, She changed the drill bit and started unscrewing the lock with a series of little buzzing reverse drills. The screws fell to the floor and the lock hit with a clang, through the hole, she saw Gareth glaring back at her.
“Fuck Michelle….you really want to know when I jack off?” He spat at her.
Brayden clutched his sesame oil and took a step out of view.
Michelle rolled her eyes “Right now I’ll take my chances. Gareth I’m sorry. I’ll put it back in awhile….we love you.” She was earnest.
Gareth flipped her the bird and crawled into his bed naked from the shower pulling the sheet part way over his legs and then giving up so his as faced the now hole in the door. Let her look….fuckin bitch. As soon as he thought it he fought a sob. She wasn’t. Michelle was his best friend and family and he knew why she took the lock off. He had been an asshole all week to his helpful shrink too and he knew it. The thing he couldn't explain to Dr. Henry was that she was getting through. He heard Michelle pick up the lock and and walk away quietly and he sobbed into his pillow as silently as he could. He drifted in and out of sleep, Finally he woke to the smell of food, wonderful food. It was Kung Pao Chicken - his favourite meal. Reluctantly he sat up, put his clothes back on and slowly padded downstairs looking humbly into the kitchen “I’m sorry you guys…”
Brayden was serving up plates and beamed at him “Don’t mention it. But can I get you some of this?” The wok was steaming and a glorious golden mass of chicken, peanuts spice and sesame.
Gareth nodded and suddenly he felt Michelle’s arms wrap around him and she hugged him hard. He hugged her back and closed his eyes. He still felt like shit but now it felt like home.
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