2020-05-18 Fire and Rain - Sally, Walter. Pixie, Hikaru, Adum, Mrs Norris, Zilpha

At 9am, anyone tuning in to the radio in Alexandra would hear a part of the old Disney song.

“The Walrus and the Carpenter were walking close at hand…”

Sally Carpenter looks out of the window as she begins.  “Well, social distancing may technically be over here in Alexandra, but I still like to keep my distance from Walter.”  she smiles.  “Good morning, Alexandra.  We’re still here .. but it’s raining today, so be careful riding your bikes and walking.”  she gives a slightly more detailed forecast, then turns it over to Walter.

Walter began every morning show in almost exactly the same way like the words were emblazoned on his brain. “Good morning Alexandra. You’re listening to Alexandra Radio…..CKAR 98 on the AM dial.  I’m Walter McLeod and this is my host Sally Carpenter and we’re The Walrus and the Carpenter.” His voice was deep and booming but polished when he was on air. “Starting you all off with some local news….” At this point Walter reads off a newsreel document.

“The Alexandra police and fire departments are still conducting follow up investigations but it has been confirmed that Carla Rose did in fact murder Ronald adn Jack Rose. She then died, attempting suicide but succumbing to smoke inhalation. Emergency crews tried to revive her to no avail. An initial arrest was made at the scene suggesting Kira Delmonaco had committed all three murders but those charges have been dropped and Delmonaco is formally charged with desecrating the corpse of Jack Rose. Jack Rose was, at the time of his death. Was under house arrest on charges of sexual assault and interference.” He sets the newsreel aside and looks at Sally but is addressing the town “That was a total shit show with her stabbing dead Jack in his one eyed Jack...if you know what I mean…”

Sally arches her brows, even though it is radio.  “Did you SEE it, Walter?”  she actually suspects he did.  Alexandra was a small town and he lived only a few doors down from the Rose House, as it was becoming known.  “And, was Jack Rose under arrest for sexually assaulting Kira Delmonaco?”

Walter nods “Oh hell ya Sally. I saw it. I could see the whole thing from my front steps in my bathrobe.” He realizes he’s given away his address in a way but in this town many would already know so he just rolls with it “Now you all know where to drop off the beer.” He clears his throat a bit and goes on “The APD didn’t disclose who he was under arrest for sexually assaulting but if you had seen her plunging the knife into his nuts...I don’t think they need to. My heart goes out to the girl. And to our men and women who were the first responders.”

Sally shakes her in disbelief at both Walter’s cheek and the comment about her assault on him.  “But .. “  she frowns.  “Kira Delmonico is that girl you see on the street sometimes?  I’ve given her food in the past.  Sadly she almost qualifies as the ton drunk or drug addict.”  she sounds unhappy about it.  “This had to be recently, didn’t it?  Wasn’t she a normal high school girl….”


Walter looks curious about all this “Well you know Sally I don’t have an answer to that but let’s hold off on our musical interlude and take it to the callers early. Our question today is Who IS Kira Delmonaco? Remember the number to call or text is 604-555-2526...or CKAR for the last 4 digits.”

Sally gives Walter a look that is very unsure.  But then the lights begin to blink as the callers start calling.  Taking a breath, she presses one.  “You're on the air with the Walrus and the Carpenter.”  she knows she should ask the question of the moment, but she can’t make herself do it.

A very deep yet soft voice answers “Hello CKAR. Walrus, Carpenter. Alexandra. Hey listen I dunno what happened to Kira Delmonaco…” There’s the sound of an inhale and then a pause and an exhale like someone smoking. “But it sure as hell wasn’t this month. As far as I heard she had some kinda brain infection 6 years ago and went off the fuckin rails. Cut her some slack eh.”

Walter lets out a little laugh “I know that voice. Is that Mitch Taggart? What are you smoking buddy? And that’s an interesting tidbit of information, And hey I hear congratulations are in order to you and Mel!”

Mitch can be heard exhaling again before talking “Yeah it’s Mitch. And thanks man. By the way I’m not smoking what you do Walrus. You fuckin pothead.” He says with a laugh.

Walter cuts off the call “And that’s all the time we have for Mitch. Next caller please.” He click on the call “Hello caller you’re on the air with the Walrus and the carpenter at CKAR 98 on your AM dial.”

A voice that sounds quite mature comes on.  “You two leave that poor child alone.”  it demands.  “I hear she’s ill and she is a dear, so you leave her alone Walter McLeod.  You’re a bully.  My husband was a bully.  That Rose boy and his father were bullies.  Bad things happen to bullies.”

Sally leans forward, speaking quickly.  “Thank you, have a nice day.”  and she feels her phone vibrate.  “And now for a quick commercial break.”  she starts the commercial, looks at her phone and lifts it to her ear.  “Hi … um….  Sure .. Adum …”  she holds the phone out to Walter.  “It’s Adum Brate.  You know … the Mayor?” but she hits the speaker phone before she hands it over.

Walter looked a little unnerved by the older woman caller and then takes the phone and puffs up like he’s suddenly been made important “Well hello Mayor Brate...how you doin?” He thinks this is a social call, unexpected but Walter is social.

Adum Brate has not called the public lines because what he has to say is not for Alexandra.  “I’ll be doing better when you stop publicly discussing Kira Delmonaco, Walter.”  he tells him.  “I know you’re on a commercial, so I’ll be brief.  First of all, Alexandra will support Kira Delmonaco in any slander lawsuit she wished to file, should she decide to sue you for speculating about her.”  he barely pauses.  “Second of all, your licence is coming up for renewal, if memory serves.  Third and finally, do you remember that show you did two years on Halloween on the death of Jonathan Ainsworth?  I’d suggest you remember it.  Now.”  Adum’s voice becomes more chipper.  “You have a great day .. love the show … usually.”  and he disconnects.

Sally blinks at the phone in Walter's hand.  “Was that caller Zilpha Ainsworth?”

Walter’s eyes went wider and wider as the mayor spoke and then he swallowed hard and  awkwardly tugged at his shirt collar like it was choking him. A visible bead of sweat broke out from his forehead and rolled to the side of his face. He didn't get in a  word edgewise with the mayro and then just stared at the phone for a few seconds at Sally’s question and finally said “Yeah….” And then in his hesitation he committed the ultimate radio crime - dead air. Suddenly Sally started waving at Walter and he clued in looking desperately at her and clicking back on….fumbling and stuttering “Welcome back….uh...Alexandra. Let’s play...some music.” He scrambled around to find a song as he has had  a list before and a few cued up for the day. “An oldie but a goodie….James Taylor’s Fire and Rain.” He started the song and then looked like he might faint.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOIo4lEpsPY

Sally fell back into her chair.  “Jesus, Walter/  I knew this would get us in trouble, but ….  Adum?  He sounded like a younger version of Fred Sewid.”  she blew out a breath and took her phone back, looking at it as if it might explode.

Walter sighed and tried to refocus “We’ve  been fuckin censored. Didn’t know Fred passed on the balls when Brate got the job. No more big questions….ah fuck. I’m sorry Sally. Guess we’ll just shoot the shit today.” The song was nearing the middle.

Sally blows out a breath.  They had, indeed, been censored.  “Well, I thought that might not go over well.  We're not in Vancouver anymore, Walter.  And no one can get away with what they once did back when we first started.”

“Small town problems.” He concurred. “I should know better. I grew up here….” He looked like an overgrown child who had been denied dessert and when the song ended he clicked them back in. Walter was great at improvising, a professional bullshitter. “And we’re back Alexandra. How you doin? Better now that we can all go out I bet? I know I missed hanging out in some of our town’s fine eating establishments and coffee shops. Sally, what are you getting back into?”

Sally nodded.  “I visited The Breakfast Nook this morning.  It’s my addiction, what can I say?”  she laughed.  “What is your favorite place to visit now that we're out of quarantine?  Remember the number to call or text is 604-555-2526...or CKAR for the last 4 digits.”  she sat back and relaxed for a minute.  Nice, safe topic.  No censorship.  No crazy old ladies.

The phone darkes and then lights up again and she picks, as always, at random.  “You're on the air with Walrus and the Carpenter.  What’s your favorite place to visit now that we’re out of quarantine?”

A snort comes over the line.  “Home.”  the caller snaps.  “There are still strange people coming onto the island.  We even have boat people now!  An asian mother and her child.  Have we learned NOTHING?”


Walter rolls his eyes “Mrs Norris?” And he doesn’t even mute the mic when he asks Sally “I thought we had her blocked for fucks sakes...you just stay in that home of yours Mrs. Norris….” He cuts the call off “Next caller, favourite place to visit out of quarantine?” He clicks to the next call “ And you’re on the air with the Walrus and the Carpenter…”


A small voice pipes. The kid sounds 5.. "Hello.. Hello hello can't you hear me" the voice sounds loud and energetic fast "is this thing working "

Sally arches her brows.  “Hello.”  she says in a kind voice.  “Welcome to the show.  Who are you?”

Walter squints at the switchboard and tilts his head “Is this a kid? He looks amused at the idea and makes a mental note to make sure he doesn’t cuss too bad for at least the next 5 minutes.

The kid speaks loudly like hes trying to talk to someone across the street " yeah huh. my name is oni prince Hika.. And Mrs. Norris is elephant poo poo head.m " the boy say proudly laughing happily

Sally blinks, but is grinning.  “Wheres your mom?”  she asks


Walter has to take his time with his wording “Well little prince, I think elephant poo is a rad choice man.” He points to the switchboard and laughs silently shrugging at Sally. Were they being pranked or was someone really hard up for a babysitter?

Hikaru looks up "I posed be napping but am not slee.. Uh oh " he paused. he looks up again"hi mommy .." He says both like a boy in trouble but happy to see his mom " My mommys found me.. I gots to go
.." He add randomly" Cat's buut." Before a woman takes the phone " sorry Walter.. I love your show" the phone disconnects

Sally shakes her head.  “Well … at least mom got out of bed to say hello Walter.  Please tell me that wasn’t one of yours.”


Walter chuckles a bit and then gulps “I don’t think I have any kids…” He smirks after to let Sally know he’s joking but he’s afraid he might get hit by the shoe again. “And…” He clicks the switchboard “Hello caller, you’re on the air with the Walrus and the Carpenter. Favourite place to visit out of quarantine. Go ahead.”

Hello"   a woman says a happy chipper tone"not a particular place. I just like the fact. We can hang with our friends in person again" she says in an upbeat tone. "Virtual hugs are nice but really human touch is waay"

Sally smiles and looks a little melty.  “That’s really sweet.”  she sighs and looks at Walter.

SallyWalter nods along, agreeing and then sees Sally’s look and does a little double take before he tunes into the woman’s last word “Oh yeah man it’s waayy….like rad….and uh tubular?” He snickers “Just messing with ya. I like hugs too.” Now he gives Sally a little eyebrow wiggle.

Pixie giggles softly " like for sure.." She plays along"it's all good .you two just make my morning. And yes hugs are like warm sunbeams and honey from people" she says happily " anyways I just wanted to tell you two that!"

Sally beams and looks out of their studio window to the street beyond.  “And folks … that is all we have time for today.  We’ll catch you all later.  Stay dry and stay healthy.”