2020-05-11 - Unexpected Visitor - Sajani, Gurshan and Kira

Kira Delmonaco hit the corner of the dumpster and slid to the dirty ground.    She hadn’t made any more sound than a soft grunt on impact.  She didn’t even look up as he tucked himself back into his pants, then went into his pocket, pulling out a 10 and letting it fall in her general direction.  And then he walked away from the Alexandra Academy dumpsters and down 4th street without a backward glance.

She leaned forward and crawled a little way to the 10, picking it up and shoving it in the filthy pocket of her hoodie.  It was dumb luck that she’d run into one of her ‘johns’ at the school.  Her original plan was to dive in the dumpster for food.  Now that the quarantine was over, she could find food from there, instead of risking going through people's trash cans, which were only on the curb one day a week and only for a limited time.  If she overslept and didn’t get ahead of the garbage trucks, she was out of luck for free food for that week.

In the middle of 2014, when everything went to hell, she had been scared to do any of the things she now took for granted.  But one of the first lessons of her new life was that she was a coward at  heart.  She could never take her own life.  Her will to live as too strong.  And she cursed it every day that she continued to live.  She also had a strong moral compass, ironically enough.  If she could avoid it, she didn't break the law.  Kira cursed that part of her, too.  Every day she did what she had to do in order to survive.

And it clawed at her every time she was forced to her knees or on her back for whatever money some man decided her blo job or fuck was worth.

Straightening, she walked to the edge of the school.  She had technically graduated from the Alexandra Academy.  A diploma had arrived in the mail at some point.  Had life not taken its nasty turn, she may even have been valedictorian.  That honor had gone to her friend, Sajani Singh.  But Sajani’s life had also been hard in 2014.  Kira had heard that her mother had passed the day after graduation, but by the time she’d heard of it, the event had long passed.

Kira looked across the street at the corner row house.  Sajani still lived there, Kira knew.  With her father .. the shrink.

Not knowing what compelled her, she began to cross Academy street onto 4th.  Her path would take her right past her old friends house.  But even happy memories of a long dead friendship did not make her smile.

Sajani was puttering around emptying all the small trash bins into one larger bag she carried. She had the recycling bin ready by the door to dump into the bigger rolling bin for the morning outside at the side of the house. She took the big bag first and set it on the steps as a man walked past the house. Sajani ducked back in for a moment feeling a little apprehensive and embarrassed about her choice of attire. She was half in her pajamas already with flannel purple checked bottoms on and a comfy old Alexandra Academy sweatshirt. Her makeup was off already and she was ready to crash for the night and play her little game after this one last chore. Pretty sure he was well past, she stepped back in for the recyclables trying to do it all in one trip. Big garbage bag in one hand and big bin on the hip she awkwardly begins to descend the stairs and shuffle down the sidewalk aiming for the side of her house. The darkness is growing and she sees another figure coming her way and squints at it a bit.

Kira sees the john walk past the brownstone and then the door opens.  Think of Sajani and she appears?  Yes … it is her.  Dressed in pajama bottoms and a shirt.  Kirs snorts softly to see it is an Alexandra Academy sweatshirt.  Kira slows as Sajani moves the cans around the side of the house.  After a beat, Kira pauses just in the light of the streetlamp.  It is not completely dark, but their solar sensors thought it was dark enough.  She remembers that in high school her hair had been in a cute little bob cut, and Sajani’s had been long.  Kira had been jealous of her long beautiful hair.  But now Sajani’s hair had been cut and Kira’s was long …. Matted .. dreaded .. scraggly .. dirty and greasy … but long.  How times change .. yet Kira does not smile.

Sajani drops the bag into the rolling bin for garbage and then turns as  she reaches for the recycling looking at the figure again, now in the streetlight and revealed to her. It’s Kira Delmonaco...looking right at her. Sajani jumps and the recycling goes flying from her hands and rolls and scatters in every direction but she just lets it all get away from her. Just staring. She calls out shakily “Kira? Kira is that you?” She’s clutching the now empty blue bin.

Kia watches Sajani impassively.  It has been 6 years since …. Since it happened.  To the month, she realized.  May 2014.  Sajani speaks her name, asking if it is her.  Kira pauses and nods, admitting it.  Then she takes a step closer … and looks down at some recycling … which for almost three years was used in Alexandra … now it went back to White Rock or someplace.  She looks up again and nods again.  Why would she admit to being someone like her if she was not her.

Sajani steps closer to Kira as well, sending a can rattling down the street from her foot stepping out. She looks bewildered at Kira who’s nodding at her with no words. Kira looks terrible, thin and dirty and just unwell. She takes another step and can actually smell her and has to work not to show her slight revulsion on her face. “Kira say something…..what happened to you?” She had seen her from afar and not even recognized her. The Kira she knew looked very different but the face when she looked now was her.

Kira listens to the plea.  She did not speak much … but there was nothing wrong with her voice.  She sang to herself in her house when she was alone.  She lifts her hand in a wave again and simply says “Hi.” but the voice is a near whisper

Sajani looked increasingly confused. She touches her own hand to her throat “Did something happen to your vocal chords?” Maybe that was the mystery illness that took her away. Maybe she was one of those people who needed to speak with a  box. Although she didn’t see a box….and her old friend looked positively homeless.

Kira sighs silently and shakes her head.  She remembers her friend.  They were #1 and #2 … and it was all destroyed in less than an hour.  But … she was trying .. Sajani was.  Maybe .. probably she didn't realize who she was .. shed been gone those first three years.  By way of answer, she clasps her hands together and settles them between her breasts … over her heart and blinks.

Sajani looked sadly at Kira when she puts her hands over her heart. She’s not sure what she means but thinks it may be some sort of communication of affection, fondness perhaps...Before she can reply the front door opens and her father is leaning out it.

“Saji? Saji are you….” He steps out now seeing her talking to someone and the street littered with their recycling. Saji…” he starts again and then recognizes the figure and gives her a kind and awkward nod.

Sajani turns to him with a look of disbelief “Papa, it’s Kira….”

“I can see that. Hello Kira….are you cold?”

Kira sees the light as the door opens and in the next few seconds, she goes brom human .. to deer in the headlights.  Her eyes widen and she actually leans to her right .. towards the school .. and the North Woods .. or perhaps 3rd street. But … Sajani … when Dr Signh speaks to her .. she doesn't respond immediately which he is used to … and then she looks at Sajani and nods.

Sajani looks between her father and Kira as if she wants more information “Kira, do you want to come inside?”

Gurshan smiles warmly at her “I just made a pot of chai. You can have tea….” Looking at the mess he then steps back inside and slips into some shoes by the door to come out and deal with their recycling. He’s wearing an orange sweatsuit that gives contrast to his blue turban. Sajani may have more important things to deal with than her chores.

Kira watches between the two, her hands still clasped at her chest.  The invitation to come inside nearly hits her like a fist, ironically enough.  No one has asked her inside in 6 years.  The last people TO ask her inside were these very people.  She nods, but slowly .. suspiciously.  Dr Singh has tried to get her to talk before .. to say what was wrong.  But she knew .. she knew .. if she spoke .. he would come back and finish the job.  She knew that.  But … tea .. free tea .. in a house?  WHo would turn THAT down?  She looks at the door, but then back to the mess.

Sajani can see her father starting to pick up cans and containers and walks to him with the bin so he can put them in “I’m sorry Papa I dropped them.”

He takes it from her “It’s ok...I’ve got this. Take Kira in and pour the tea...if she would like some.” He looks up at Kira and smiles again and then keeps tidying up.

Sajani turns towards Kira and seeps a hand towards their home “Would you like to?”

Kira looks towards the house and then at Sajani … and nods, taking slow steps .. keeping a safe distance between her and her old friend.

Gurshan walks well around the girls to give Kira space and fetch some more things that have scattered. He quietly watches though from time to time rather hoping this all happens. He’s not going to push but this was a former patient, a series of failed sessions where Kira just wouldn’t speak. Maybe outside the clinical realm he might get through.

Sajani notices the distance in the walking and takes a social cue staying ahead and not trying to crowd Kira. She pushes open their front door which is still ajar and quickly removes her shoes, simply clearing a path for Kira to come in without feeling like she was stepping in right behind her. The Singh home is warm and welcoming. The furnishings and decor are old but well kept and in bright and deep colours with lots of traditional Indian patterns. The rugs of course are gorgeous. There’s a runner in the hall in a deep red orange after a simple doormat and an area of shoes and coats hanging on hooks. Through the doorway to the living room you can see a deep purples rug with teal tones, a big velvety reading chair and some golden toned smaller seat with lots of colourful cushions accented by bright pink and gold long silk curtains. The house is full of plants. Above the mantle is a portrait of Mohinder in a full Indian sari from when she was younger and well. Her kind smile looks like it could heal all the pain in the world. The dining room is more simple with a wooden table and chairs and a simple china cabinet. The same pink and gold curtains hang at the window at the end of that room. On the wall are family photos through the years after Mohinder’s death; Gurshan and sajani on a boat, in front of their home, at some kind of outdoor concert. And in the mix is a graduation photo of Sajani in her cap and gown.

Kira follows Sajani, but pauses just outside of the door.  Her filthy pants are cargo and she taks off her shoes, high tops that aren't even tied, and shoves one in each hip pocket.  Then she steps in and looks around the place.  It’s like she is back in high school, stopping by after school for snacks and study.  She blinks at the familiar pictures … but then she sees some of the ones from after Mohinder’s death … however it is the one of Sajani in her cap and gown that makes Kira freeze.  She stands in the dining room and stares at it to the exclusion of everything else.  Graduation….  She was still in her house … alone … to live on what food was still in the house for another couple of weeks before she finally emerged … shedding some light on what happened.  Not much .. but some.  And the worst of it was still safely hidden away inside of Kira.  Her hand lifts .. as if to touch the picture.

Sajani waits until she’s through and then walks back to shut the door before moving to the kitchen and pouring tea while Kira looks around. It was surreal having her back in her house, especially like this. Sajani wonders when the last time Kira ate was and pulls a box of maple cookies from the cupboard and dumps a fair few onto a little plate. She brings the plate of cookies to the dining room first followed by their two cups as she notices Kira in there looking at the pictures on the wall. She steps in line with her but not right beside her noticing which picture she’s looking at “I’m so squinty in that one...I should have done retakes…...ugh….”

Kira can see Sajani coming out of the corner of her eye, so she doesn't jump or react as she is known to.  She looks from the picture to Sajani and back, then shakes her head.  No.  In her head she is wondering … Chief Brate told her that her parents had told everyone that she was sick.  That's why she wasn’t in school .. that’s why she wasn’t at graduation.  No one guessed at anything else until Kira emerged from the house her personality pretty much as it is now.  So different from high school.  She turns to the table and sees the maple cookies.  She reaches out for them, but stops her hand.  Kira is filthy … more than filthy … and for the first time in a long time she is aware of it.  But she isn’t so comfortable to ask to use their bathroom … besides .. washing her hands would barely scratch the surface of the filth.

The rolling bin lid can be heard vaguely outside as Gurshan opens it and it smacks into the side of the house followed by the muted sound ot the recycling being dumped into its proper place now.

Sajani watches the head shake and then the hesitation about the cookies and looks at the state of Kira. She wouldn’t want to eat anything if she was that dirty. In fact if Kira had gone for the cookies they would honestly be all hers after. Taking a risk she asks “Do you want to wash your hands...you could even use our shower. I could give you some clean clothes even?”

Kira’s head turns in the direction of the noise, but quickly identifies it.  The offer of a shower makes Kira stare and again blink.  But she doesn’t cry .. and she doesn’t smile.  She does, however, seem to consider … this place was safe … and it had running water .. not like when she snuck baths or washed her clothes in the inlet.  Finally she looks up here she knows the bathroom to be and nods.  Yes.

Sajani smiles. Was this progress? She wondered if Kira would ever say anything to her more than hi. “Ok give me a second….” She scoots off upstairs and grabs Kira a nice big fresh bath towel and a washcloth and sets them in the bathroom and then runs to her room rifling through her drawers. What can she give a person who seems to have nothing? If she really did live outside it had to be simple and practical. She fishes out a pair of purple sweatpants with the word juicy on the butt and then frowns at them. They were a joke to her but she didn’t want to make her friend some kind of a target. She tosses the juicy sweats aside and opts for some plain black yoga pants that are also fairly sweats like and a simple green tshirt. She adds a grey hoodie to the mix for warmth...oh and socks...and underwear. Sajani couldn’t imagine the horror of not having clean socks and underwear. She pulls open her underwear and sock drawer. Would Kira wasn't underwear that had been worn and washed? That was kind of a terrible offering. She had a 3 pack of unopened ones she’d been saving for when her current ones got worn out. They were simple cotton hipster style with little flowers. She pined at them for a moment and then added them to the pile. Kira needed them more. The socks she chose were bright pink and warm, fuzzy on the inside. She takes the clothes and sets them out beside the towel and then checks the shower to make sure there’s ample shampoo, conditioner and soap. With a satisfied nod she head back downstairs “Ok...it’s all yours Kira. You can keep the whole pack of undies if you like them...I didn’t really like the colour.” She’s trying not to make her feel bad about her need for charity.

Gurshan comes back in quietly and takes off his shoes. He moves discreetly to the living room, watching and listening for what’s happening now.

Kira keeps looking at the house while Sajani was gone.  Pausing in the kitchen and remembering all the laughter within.  When she comes back, Kira cants her head about the pack of undies comment, but only nods her thanks and goes upstairs.  There, she pulls out of her filthy hoodie pocket the 10 and a crumpled garbage bag.  As she undresses, she puts her headband, plus the dirty clothes and shoes in the bag and ties it up tight, hoping the smell won’t escape.  Then she turns on the water.  A shower!  It had been a long time since she had a shower,  her john’s would let her from time to time, but this was different.  Kira showers and washes her hair .. and then does it a second time.  But she comes out clean.  Physically.  She doubted any amount of soap and water could wash away the inner filth.  Of the offered pile of clothes, Kira chooses only the pants and shirt, leaving the socks and underwear behind.  Looking at herself in the mirror she looks much better now than she had.  Her brown hair is still matted and her blue-green eyes are still wary and old.  Nodding to herself, she takes the garbage bag with her dirty clothes and goes back downstairs, heading straight for the door and depositing it outside.  Then she closes the door again and finds the Singh’s.  She suspects she will be paying for the shower … with answers.

While Kira is in the shower Gurshan walks over to his daughter who is looking at him with many questions in her eyes. He walks up to her and gently cups her shoulders in his hands “Saji. I need to tell you some things about Kira. I would never normally break a patient’s confidentiality but….this is different. You can never share it though...even with her. I could be discredited...lose my license…..”

Sajani nods looking apprehensive about what she might be about to here. “Yes Papa.I’ll keep it to myself. I promise.” She lets him steer her to a chair and sits. This was clearly not going to be a happy story.

Gurhsan sits opposite of her and looks up still hearing the shower “If she comes down I’ll tell you the rest after...but your friend Kira has been through some great traumas.” He takes a big breath and begins.

“Remember when Kira stopped coming to school?  About a week after that her parents told people that Kira was very sick and  couldn’t have visitors.  That's why Kira didn’t go to graduation … because she was sick.  Either just before or just after graduation, Kira’s parents claimed they took her to a specialist. I think at that point we thought she had left...and well of course that was when Mama died….” He trails off letting his eyes drift to his wife’s lovely portrait.

Sajani swallows and nods, closing her eyes “Go on Papa. I want to know what happened to her. Why did she really stop coming to school.?”

Gurhsan takes Sajani’s hand “This information is going to upset you. Kira was raped….about a month before graduation by Jack Rose. She didn’t tell me this...I know from other patients...who I won’t name. But there’s a clear pattern in my practice and it all comes from this horrible young man. You were at university when I started to figure it out so then I knew you were safe….” Gurshan shudders at the very thought.

Sajani squeezes her father’s hand. She had a look of anguish for her freind and the harm she had suffered but reassured her father “I do know who he is...he lives down the street. But he’s never even spoken to me at all. Sometimes being the smart kid means you’re not the cool kid...which maybe is why he didn’t….Kira was more known…” She sighs “Possibly because of dating Brayden…Jack only talked to the cool kids...it makes me wonder how many other people he hurt....” She shakes her head around and urges him to press on “Tell me the rest before she’s back…”

Gurshan held up a hand “I can’t tell you the names but I’ve had a few patients now because of Jack….let’s focus on Kira because if you’re reaching out to her...she might talk to you. She didn’t talk to me. I actually diagnosed her as selectively mute.” He goes on and still hears the water running in the shower. “In early July, Kira came out of her house, which surprised everyone, since they thought she was off the island.  Police visited her but Kira didn't speak to them, but a search of the house revealed the parents were not home.  The house was already a mess and by now, who knows how bad it is.  The house was bought and paid for … so Kira has a roof over her head, at least. Chief Brate, now Mayor Brate, told me that the police contacted Kira’s parents who only said their daughter was dead to them and disconnected.  Further attempts to contact the parents failed. She had no support system. Two traumas. The assault and I’m sure subsequent PTSD and now the abandonment. She’s not homeless but she wanders the streets when she needs food. She’s very mentally ill and unstable and I’m quite sure she struggles with addictions to drugs and alcohol as she seems under those influences as well as mentally ill. Kira has unfortunately been seen in the company of men...but I think she’s selling herself to survive….”

At this Sajani starts quietly crying behind her hand “Oh god….why didn’t she come to me sooner….oh Kira….” She slumps and sobs. “I’ve been a horrible friend. How didn't I know any of this? How didn’t I see her out there?”

Gurhsan leans forward and pats his daughter's arm “You were at school for quite a bit of this and she changed physically as a result of all of it. She’s not the Kira you know anymore….maybe I shouldn’t have put this on you Saji. I’m so sorry.”

She sniffs and shakes her head “No Papa I do need to know. I mean maybe she didn’t talk to you because you’re a man...no offense but it’s common I know….thankfully not personally...but in general. If I’m going to be a friend now, what should I do to get her to open up? Teach me how to thearpize…” It was a tiny joke in the mix of all things so heavy.

Gurshan has to smile at Sajnai now. She used the word therapize to joke about his job often and even his parenting of her over the years. “Stop therapizing me” was her call out on him when he used his work techniques at home. Now it might be useful though for sure. “Therapizing 101…” He joked back and then turned serious “Give her space. I noticed you already started doing that. And yes I do think she may have spoken more freely to a woman psychologist. As I said before she appears to be selectively mute. It’s a common reaction to trauma. So focus on yes or no questions. Just be with her and be kind. You’re good at that Saji.”

The shower stops and Sajani wipes at her face quickly but before Kira comes down she shares “She said hi to me. One word.” She looks hopeful and stands up.

Gurshan stands as well and reaches to give his daughter a hug “That’s more than I ever got. When she comes back down I’ll go up to my study so you and she can talk alone. But call me if you need anything.”

Sajani hugs her father back warmly, so grateful for him in her life. They let go and she watches him walk to pour himself a cup of tea, ready to take it with him upstairs.

Kira changes into the new not new clothes and opens the bathroom door.  Taking the unused socks and underwear, she moves to Sajani’s bedroom door and sets them on the floor just outside of it.  Looking in she again almost smiles, but fails to.  Pink, pretty, neat.  Disney, plushies, stuffed animals.  SImba … Posters on the wall.  … some things never changed.  Returning to the bathroom for her garbage bag, she takes in her reflection in the bathroom mirror.  Far too thin, but at least now her face is clean.  Her hair is still matted but she dried it so it's not dripping too much.  It’s grown to her waist.  But she looks semi human again and unlike when she can shower at a man's house, she feels a little more human. It won’t last.  It never does.  But for now, Kira is about as happy as it got for her.  She leaves her reflection and heads downstairs.  At the foot of the stairs, she sees Dr SIngh in the kitchen, and she gives him a wide berth, taking a path into the entry hall and opening the front door and putting her bag on the stoop.  No one with a sense of smell will touch it.  Then she backs in, closes and locks the door again and goes through the living room to the dining room and sits with the wall at her back so she can see as much as she can.  Biting her lip, she now looks with more interest at the cookies.

Gurshan watches her put something out the front door. He can see she’s wearing some of his daughter’s clothes now so he deduces the bag is her soiled ones. He observes her wide radius as she walks around him and inwardly confirms he made the right choice to tell Sajani everything so she could be the one to reach out. Rapport was everything. He trusts his daughter would never put him in jeopardy and reveal that he broke the confidentiality of his practice. Once Kira is seated he gives the girls a little nod and slips away upstairs.

Sajani watches Kira’s movements as well, hanging back by the island so Kira has the choice of seating without being crowded. She nods back to her father and takes the seat he had just occupied so she’s half way to Kira but not too close. She had seen her eyeing the cookies “that must feel better….” She pushes the plate a little closer to her and moves the tea cups so they each have one to sip. Her father’s chai is good hot or cold and it’s still a bit warm. “Help yourself. They’re good to dip.”

Kira watches Dr Singh leave and feels both relieved and guilty.  He’d tried.  But she just couldn’t with him.  Sajani sits and offers tea.  With a nod, Kira takes a cookie and bolts it down, but then takes another to dip.  Manners, Kira … try and remember some of them.  She lets the cookie soak a bit and then eats at it.  Once its done, she dips the warm tea and looks across the table at her friend.  They’d been so close once.  Maybe bestie close.  But that was then and this was now.  With a sigh, she looks at Sajani and says so softly, it may have well only been mouthed.  “Thanks…”

Sajani watches her and guesses that she might being trying to be polite when she’s really actually very hungry so Sajani tried to put her at ease by taking a stack of 4 cookies from her side of the plate. There’s still 3 left and Kira can have them all. She dips one and bites, looking up to the mouthed word thanks. There was a hint of a whisper to it and Sajani smiles kindly. Then she asks carefully “Do you still live in the same house?”

Kira watched the division of the cookies and understood.  She takes all three and made a move like she’s putting them in the pocket of her hoodie and then checks that motion, putting them in front of her on the table.  Taking another sip of the tea, Sajani asks about her house..  Her head drops and she stares at the table top.  Finally she nods.  She still lives there … it means she isn't technically homeless.

Sajani finishes her cookie and starts on another while she watched Kira’s reaction. She tried hard not to let her face betray the pain she was feeling for what she now knew Kira had suffered. Sugar was helping. Sajani had a sweet tooth, always had. OK so not homeless. She took a deep breath remembering what her father said about mental illness. She knew from some of her OT work even that mental health could affect hygiene. Those were always the toughest patients for her because her sense of smell was so keen. She sipped her tea and looked at Kira’s cookies, hoping she’d eat them and thinking she should offer more. “If you’re still hungry after those we probably have enough fish curry for a decent serving leftover from dinner….” She just observed now.

Kira made short work of the cookies, since the loaned tshirt had no pockets.  When Sajani offers food, Kira feels comfortable enough around this old friend to nod.  It may look shy but it is more … resigned.

Sajani smiles and nods back “Let me heat some up for you…..” She moves to the kitchen and rattles around in the cupboards taking out a bowl and then a spoon and fork from the drawer. She opens the fridge and pulls out the containers talking as she starts spooning basmati rice and then the curry on top of it. “My mother used to make this halibut curry….thankfully she taught me because it’s still our favourite.” Sajani puts the bowl in the microwave and  taps away at the buttons until they beeps and the supper starts rotating. She sets the now empty containers into the sink and waits, watching the timer on the microwave count down. It smells immediately delicious and merges with the lingering smell of it that had already been hanging in the air of the house. The microwave beeps and Sajani uses little potholders to take out the bowl and carry it to the table, fork in two fingers as well. The halibut is tender and in a thick rich tomato coconut curry sauce with peppers and onions and a strong presence of medium curry and garam masala. It’s serious comfort food for the Singhs and has been a recipe they would serve to guests, including Kira, through the years.

Kira recognises the meal and, when Sajani sets it near her, her stomach involuntarily growls.  Looking apologetic, Kira shrugs, nods her thanks and takes a forkful.  She closes her eyes and looks down.  Never before had food been such a powerful trigger.  It’s almost a physical thing.  Pointing her fork at Sajani, she croaks out.  “You …”  it’s as close as she can get to bouncing up and down and saying ‘oh so tell me what's been up with you all these years?  Let's catch up!’ because that girl … long gone.  Also she half hopes that it will distrah Sajani .. the food, the memories and the kindness have Kira’s eyes filling with tears.

Sajani leans on her hand just taking in Kira’s reaction to the food. She blinks at the “You” and smiles “you want to know about me? OK…” she thinks what would even be meaningful to someone walking Kira’s path. She notices the eyes watering and isn’t sure if it’s emotion or spice fueled. Sometimes mild to her wasn’t mild to whiter friends who hadn’t grown up on her parent’s cooking. But she did recall Kira being pretty hardy. “OK me...well I went o Vancouver for university..UBC. I got a degree in occupational therapy and that’s what I do now...oh I also teach yoga part time.” She gestures around the house “Obviously I still live with Papa….but that works for us. So no husband...or even boyfriend and definitely no kids…” She jokes “Although maybe the fairytale someday would be nice. Not much luck with men….but whatever. I have family and friends….an halibut curry.” She head juts at Kira’s bowl and then sips at her tea “Did I do ok with it tonight?” She knows she did but she wants to keep Kira engaged and answering.

Kira listens to her friend's life.  She knew that Sajani had been gone by the time she’d left her house in July and that she’d seen her in the Fog, which meant that she had come back in time to be trapped with the rest of them.  So no husband or boyfriend … she could relate, for sure.  Not that she wanted a man in her life.  No thanks.  When Sajani asks how she did with the curry, she nods and then turns her head, looking at the pictures on the wall and pointing to the one of Sajani’s mother.  Just like mother used to make.

Sajani follows the pointing and nods. She hadn’t wanted to lay her sorrows on top of Kira’s struggles but then she was clearly being asked directly “She died after graduation. You knew she wasn’t doing so well in grade 12…..”She looks back at the picture “She always liked you Kira. She definitely liked how our being friends made me study harder.” Sajani grit her teeth, feeling her eyes watering. She was fighting it, trying not to get emotional in front of Kira. this was about her. She was therapizing...but somehow talking to her old friend about her mother was really triggering. Dammit Papa, how do you counsel people when you hit these walls? She sniffed and looked apologetic “Sorry…” She said dabbing at her eyes.

Kira realizes her rudimentary sign language failed … and Sajani is thinking of her mother.  She taps the table.  “O …  K….  she manages to get out and wonders … is that one word .. or two.  She licks her lips.  “Friends?”  she waves around the room.  She knows what happened to some .. not all.  But one the word is out, she knows that Sajani may tell her about some .. like the Peterson twins … they knew about her.  Oh yes they did….  But the word was out and if it got Sajani off of the topic of her mother, more the better.  And, thinking on it … didn’t Sajani like Patrick?  Kira had gone out with him once … sort of … he showed up 20 minutes late … as she was leaving.

Sajani hears Kira trying to form some kind of word and gives her absolute presence. This was her task. When she waves around the room and says friends she connects “Friends...friends from school?” Sajani has a flash of an idea and it comes across her face like they used to when she was in a  school debate and thought up a great rebuttal. “Hold that thought!” She stands and walks to the livingroom and a small bookshelf where she reaches down, retrieving a slim but sizable book that’s leatherbound and has the Alexandra School Crest and the year 2014. It’s her grade 12 yearbook. She flips to their page with all their classmates and brings it back, setting it open on the table. “Who do you want to know about Kira?” She figures this might help them communicate if Kira can just point.

Kira watches Sanji bring the book and open it to their class, for which she is grateful.  Jack Rose was a year behind them.  She scans the faces and swallows hard when she comes to her own.  Lightly her finger traces it.  Smiling, cute bob … that poor girl was dead.  She blows out a breath and looks at the other photos.  Alexandra Academy classes were always small .. It was the nature of the small town school.  She sees the memorial picture of Pavel Volkov, who had committed suicide in Ocrober of their last year in school.  Then her eyes rest on the Student Body President.  Brayden Kim … she’s had glimpses … very recently.  But her finger, at first, moves to the Peterson twins, between Chris and Patrick.  She knew them … professionally … but she hoped that they might actually have happy stories, because Brayden looked .. sad … tense … not happy.  She wanted to focus on happiness … and the twins had been popular .. like she was .. and amusing.

Sajani watches her really carefully now and aches for her when she traces over her own photo. Kira had been so pretty. She still was, just some of it was….changed. Sajani was sure she’d ask about Brayden first but when she goes between the Peterson twins Sajani has to groan and then laugh “Chris and Patrick. I actually just saw them this morning. Chris...uh has some work related injuries right now….he’s a police officer but you may have seen them both around. Patrick is a firefighter. Anyways I was there for OT work with Chris but Patrick lives there too…” She gets visibly flustered and has to stop and regroup her thoughts. She then tries to circle back to Chris “Chris has a new girlfriend. She has a kid...they’re vegans I think…” She shrugs and wonders if both brothers are vegetarian or vegan now. Her eyes linger on Patrick’s photo after she says it all and she gives a small sigh.

Kira knew their occupations.  She was curious about their personal lives.  Sajani mentions Chris has a girlfriend and was injured.  Thinking back to high school, she wonders if anything ever became of her and Patrick … or if Patrick’s infamous inability to be on time unless Chros dragged him personally had stopped them from even becoming a thing.  Like all teenage girls they had gossipped about it, up in Sajani’s room between study sessions.  She lifts her hand and makes the okay sign and then taps on Patricks photo.  Any juice there, she silently demands.  And to emphasise the point, she taps the photo again, then points at Sajani .. she then clasps her hands together again, interlocking her fingers.

Sajani sees the tap and gulps and then when Kira interlocks her fingers she flushes hard “Uh no...that never happened.” She sighs and looks a bit sad “We were supposed to go out...the day my mother died. I never got back to him. I’m sure he heard and got it...but then I went away to school….” She shrugs “He was kinda cute this morning but he was probably just being nice.” Sajani never believed that guys would like her back in school or now. Especially now after the rejection she’d faced with Dan. Shaking her head around and laughing she said “Ok ask me about someone else...anyone else please.” She giggles after.

Kira listens to the story and it’s a tough one.  She hadn’t known all of that.  As Sajani goes on, Kira is tempted to point to Patrick again but doesn’t, and the giggle convinces her to move on.  Placing her right index finger along the left side of her mouth she curves it under her lips to the other side.  A smile.  She surveys the page and tries Melissa .. they hadn’t been close, really but .. she wasn’t Patrick.

Sajani beams at the smile, even though it’s an odd one. She follows the pointing of the finger to Melissa and says her maiden name out loud “Melissa Palmer? She’s Melissa Taggart now. She married Sadie Taggart’s older brother Mitch. Mitch is a butcher at Thrifty Foods...and Melissa is a deli server….they kind of run it together. It’s cute.” She ponders this for a moment “Huh...she went from dating a vegetarian to marrying a  butcher…..that’s funny…”  She looks at the photos and gasps, thinking of another potential former classmate.  "Oh remember sadie .. ith that squeaky little voice?  She's a COP now."  she she giggles.

Kira nods.  That was a good story.  She does the finger over her face smile gesture again.  She arches her brows about Sadie.  She's considered and even tried 'suicide-by-cop', but had never considered Sadie.  She'd tried once with Michael Reinhardt because he was the biggest cop on the force and once with the Chief who was also big.  neither had killed her.  They disarmed her and she lived.  Then she looks again and … points to Brayden, letting her finger rest on his smiling face.  Her boyfriend… once upon a time.  He’d taken her virginity.  She had loved him, whatever that meant for a teenager.  But any future they might have had … she shoves that fantasy away.

Sajani smiles at her but also does the finger gesture back at her at the same time, encouraging her. Her face gets melancholy when she points to Brayden. God poor Kira. Jack had taken that from her as well. Sajani had loved those two together. They had been so adorable. “Brayden Kim…” she says softly “I saw him yesterday at a party...but he didn’t see me. His hair is blonde now. It looks cute.” She thinks “He hasn’t been around much.” Sajani was well aware Kira had once known him way better than she ever did “Didn’t his Dad live in Richmond? I think he lives there sometimes...although that doesn't make sense because he worked at Thrifty’s when we were cut off…..” She looks confused “Hmmmm….” Then she has another thought she doesn’t say but that same crossing of an idea across her face happens as she remembers Brayden worked at Thriftys with Jack Rose. She shudders a bit….surely this wasn’t right...where her mind was going. Her father had said he had multiple patients because of Jack. If he targeted Kira in high school...why not coworkers? She couldn’t say that right now though so she switches gears “Did you know the police dog had puppies in the back of Thriftys?” She tries to smile to cover her graver thoughts “Seven of them I heard.”

Kira stares at the picture as Sajani talks about Brayden.  Then she cuts herself off and starts talking about puppies.  Looking up at Kira, she nods.  She really wants to know what's wrong with Breyden .. seeing his picture … awakens something in her.  But Sajana backpedals so Kira agrees to talk about puppies.  She nods that she has heard that, but then lowers her head to look at the picture again, finishing her meal and glad she didn’t inhale it as if she were starving.

Sajani acknowledges the nod and keeps on “My father would never let us get a puppy though. He’s a cat person...although we never got another cat after Aziz ran off. I still miss his squished little face…..god that was junior high. The time flies Kira…” She looks wistfully at her as she eats thinking of how her life could have been so different. “I’m glad you came in Kira. This is nice.”

Kira finishes everything in the bowl.  Everything .. every grain of rice.  She looks up at the mention of the cat and then Kira mentions it was nice she came in.  Kira looks at her over the table and, taking her hands off of the bowl, reaches and lightly touches Sajani’s hand.  Then she pulls her hand back and looks at her wrist.  Time to go as she taps on a watch face that is not there.  She’s touched another human being.  Her night has peaked.